PRESERVING EMPATHY IN HARD ECONOMIC TIMES

PRESERVING EMPATHY IN HARD ECONOMIC TIMES
By Andrew Malekoff ©

As executive director of the pre-eminent children’s outpatient mental health agency on Long Island, I have grave concerns about the impact of the global economic meltdown on services that address the emotional well being of vulnerable children and their families.

Despite the influence of distinguished legislators with big hearts, big government has treated children’s mental health with little respect over the years. For example, at North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center we have not received an increase in government funding for our core children’s mental health services for the better part of two decades.

In addition, a key factor contributing to declining revenues for children’s mental health services is a poorly regulated managed health care system that is more interested managing costs than managing care, paying a substandard rate for critical services and often denying payment for no good reason.

“The First Hostage of Survival is Empathy”
Beyond anticipated government cuts in human services funding I am concerned about individual and corporate supporters retreating into survival mode. As community activist Paul Tonna warns, “The first hostage of survival is empathy.”

To make up the difference in big government’s neglect and managed care’s scheming, services like ours have relied for decades on the compassion and generosity of community supporters that extend themselves to the cause. It is important to know that these people are more than do-gooders, despite the good that they do.

They are smart and selfish. They are smart because they know that what we do is cost effective, saving tens of millions of taxpayer dollars by keeping troubled kids at home and out of costly institutional settings. They are selfish because they know, as one of them stated, “If your child is not healthy, my child is not safe.”

Beyond these attributes our supporters are empathetic. They look into the eyes of their own children, grandchildren, niece and nephews and feel a deep connection to all children.

The Kindness of Others
Over the years family members and friends have asked me what led to my choosing a career in the human services, intimating that it is not the most lucrative path. My greatest influence was observing the profound impact of the kindness of others during my growing up years.

The father of my childhood friend Rich died in the 1950’s. My friend was six- years-old at the time, decades before “grief counseling” became a part of our lexicon. I lost touch with Rich as we grew older, moved apart and went our separate ways. When his mother Lillian died in 1993 I sent him a note. Some weeks later Rich, who is a physician today, wrote back to me. I saved his letter and I read it from time to time. When I do, it always leaves a lump in my throat. His letter to me starts like this:

“Dear Andy: What a surprise to hear from you! My mom’s death has caused me to spend hours thinking about my childhood. Some of my most fond recollections involve you and your family. Your father was the dad I didn’t have…”

I observed my father and mother and other adults in my family carrying out acts of profound kindness and generosity with no fanfare and without ever the expectation of anything in return, for all the years that I was growing up. I married a woman who came from a similar family, one in which her parents took in their nieces after the death of their mother. Now I have found these people again among our board of directors and community supporters. What they have in common with my family is their empathy.

Preserving Empathy
Government bureaucracies are by definition dispassionate and have no empathy. They have rules and regulations. But, only in tyrannies do they get to run things. One can only hope that the policies that guide their rules are guided by values rooted in the felt needs of real people.

I know that we cannot rely exclusively on government to take care of us. We must rely on one another. If we allow empathy to slip away under cover of economic survival, we are in trouble. The demise of empathy will be the most perilous consequence of the collapsing economy.

Let’s take care to preserve empathy. When all else fails it is all that we have to maintain a humane society.

Originally published in the Anton newspaper chain, Long Island, NY in November, 2008.