"24-HOUR-A-DAY-GUARD-DUTY"

24-hour-a-day-guard-duty
by Andrew Malekoff© 2008

As winters in February go, this year’s was a mild one. Nevertheless, it was brutal month that brought the inexplicable murders of three young children in New Cassel and the execution-style killing of a teenage boy outside Don Juan’s restaurant in Westbury.

A legion of children and teens (and others) left in the wake of these deaths are the collateral damage that bloodshed brings. They include family, friends, and neighbors of the four young victims. Many of them now face the emptiness, frustration, fear and rage of incomprehensible death. They are at risk for suffering traumatic stress that impacts deeply on their lives, interfering with normal social growth and destroying their basic assumptions about the safety of the world. A single line of graffiti on a concrete wall, composed by a young trauma survivor, says it best: “I don’t like being a child, its 24-hour-a-day guard duty.”

What we know is that society expects parents to do everything—to counter the violent messages in the media, to teach children problem-solving skills, and then to keep them physically and emotionally safe. These are unrealistic expectations. Too many parents lack the information and wherewithal to accomplish this alone. Parents need our help.

At North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center we have a long history in the New Cassel community. Consequently, we were invited to meet with groups of parents, faculty and others in Park Avenue Elementary School, where one of the young victims attended. Being a community-based agency with deep roots in the neighborhood made all the difference. Meeting in groups is essential to rebuilding social connections that traumatic situations destroy.

A first step is to encourage parents and other caring adults to address their own feelings. This is necessary to free them to help their children to cope. Trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk advises that, “successful coping in the aftermath of traumatic events must protect four vital functions: the ability to continue task-oriented activity, the ability to regulate emotion, the ability to sustain positive self value, and the capacity to maintain and enjoy rewarding interpersonal contacts.”

A second step is to identify and emphasize community strengths and resources that sustain hope and reduce shame and isolation. Restoring a sense of community is critical for transcending the emotional impact of deadly violence.

I feel confident that as the bright lights and unforgiving glare of the media fade, and then flicker on again with every new legal development and political promise, the good people of New Cassel will heal and will rise up as those before them have risen up.

The good people of New Cassel will heal, with a little help from their true friends, and will let the world know that although Jewell Ward, Michael Demesyeux, Innocent Demesyeux, and Edwin Yovani Mejia are gone, they will never be forgotten.

As for the rest of us, we are faced with the daunting challenge of ensuring that no child’s life will be what it is becoming for too many today - 24-hour-a-day guard duty.

This article was originally published in the Anton Community Newspapers, Long Island, NY in March 2008.

HATEFUL MESSAGES ADD TO SORROW

Hateful messages add to sorrow: Three children die – and some readers’ depraved responses to the tragedy create and evil all their own

BY ANDREW MALEKOFF

March 4, 2008

I made a disturbing discovery the Sunday afternoon of Feb. 24 when the murder of three innocent children, the youngest named Innocent, allegedly at the hands of their profoundly troubled mother, was first reported on Newsday's Web site. Few details were available at the time. The headline on the Web site read: "Sources: Mom Kills Three Kids in New Cassel." My stomach dropped. I couldn't recall a story quite like this since I moved to Long Island in the late 1970s.

When I scrolled to the end of the story, there was a place to click to "Read all 40 comments." This link, which appears in many online stories in Newsday and other newspapers, takes you to a "Forum," a place for the public to comment.

I clicked into the forum, and amid readers' expressions of shock, dismay, sadness and sympathy, I found a significant stream of depravity. The forum, for the most part, consists of anonymous writers who tag their reflections with a range of nicknames. Here is a sample, exactly as the notes appeared:

Typical wrote: "The savages at it again ... "

The Pusher wrote: "New Cassel should be nuked."

Shoot Me Twice wrote: "The kids didn't put on a convincing performance at the Department of Social Services for mommy to get more free goodies. Maybe Tom Suozzi (County Executive) can use them as extra help at his mansion on the North Shore.

"Senseless wrote: "Where O Where could my Daddy be? In jail most probably . . . planning to get out and commit the next robbery.

"Booker wrote: ". . . These are unstable people with weak genes, she did society a favor. Animals kill their young when they know they are too weak to make a go of it, why are we so different?"

Comments like these continued throughout the week. On Feb. 27 someone identifying himself as Bruce wrote of the murdered children: "three less drains on society. good riddance."

Sprinkled in were a number of counter-responses like this one by Disgusted, "I am sickened by this sad story and sickened again by all of these disgusting comments ... it's really pathetic that some of you have nothing to do but spew hatred."

Sometimes one response would specifically engage another. Right after the children's funerals, I found: Tookie (Huntington Station): "da lil nappi headed **** are in heaven now!"

To which SadSadness AOL responded: ". . . heartless cold person, 3 innocent children were killed regardless of race. If your not feeling sad over this your an evil person. those children did nothing wrong and def did not deserve that, May they Rest in peace respectfully."

It's one of the great benefits of the Internet to offer instant access to news, along with a chance for the audience to instantly share comments about it. But in this situation, even with certain incendiary remarks slapped right down, this seemed like a mixed blessing.

Newsday, like many media sites, has guidelines to try to keep the online conversation civil and constructive.

Yet, after reading messages on the murder of three small children, I am discovering feelings of sorrow that I did not think I would ever experience for the mother who is alleged to have carried out the horror of all horrors, killing her own. Strangely, and I am sure unforgivably to some, I find myself feeling more of a human connection to Leatrice Brewer than to Typical, The Pusher, Booker, Shoot Me Twice, Senseless and their gang.

Copyright © 2008, Newsday Inc.