PARENTS, STUDENT ATHLETES AND THE PENN STATE SCANDAL

Parenthood Plus: August 30, 2012


Written by Andrew Malekoff, Executive Director North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center Friday, 31 August 2012 00:00

Parents, Student Athletes And The Penn State Scandal

Bob, my younger brother, was a die-hard Penn State football fan going back to the early 1960s. In later years he became a college coach and athletic director. Presently, he is Chair of the Sports Studies Department at Guilford College. He has written and researched extensively on maximizing the educational value of sports participation for youths, middle and high school, and college athletes. I thought there was no one better to ask about the Penn State mess and what lessons parents could take from it? Here is what he told me:

“For the past few months, we have been inundated with news about what is now commonly known as the ‘Penn State Scandal.’ Although the focus has been on the horrific acts of Jerry Sandusky and decrying the actions – or lack thereof – of Penn State administrators and others, it may be helpful to consider what the parents of young athletes can learn from this tragic affair.

“Many parents have paused and asked themselves, ‘What do I really know about the people coaching my children?’ First, the overwhelming majority of youth and high school coaches are solid citizens who have the best interests of your child in mind. But it would be naïve to think that there are not exceptions. Many states have laws requiring youth sport organizations and public schools to run background checks on coaches. Whether or not this is the case for your community, you can speak to the appropriate authorities about conducting these checks and implementing training programs that address how coaches can help young athletes to have a positive and safe experience.

“Parents need to understand that it is the coach’s job to manage the team and, for the most part, you should not interfere. However, you should be aware of the kind of experience that your child is having and you should feel free to ask questions. We sometimes tend to assign positive personal characteristics to coaches, whether deserved or not. This is particularly so in the case of winning programs; even at youth, and middle and high school levels. But winning championships doesn’t necessarily make someone a good person or role model. And, there is no question that it is difficult to challenge the coach who is competitively successful and has strong support from team parents and in the community. With unconditional support, less sensitive coaches can feel empowered to do as they please, especially if they are oblivious to how youngsters might be adversely impacted by their actions.

“Finally, you should strive to help your children keep sports in perspective. This starts with you, as a parent, doing the same.

“An appropriate level of perspective doesn’t mean that your child should not be competitive or do his or her best to excel on the field or court, or should not show respect for coaches and teammates. It does mean that when faced with a coach who behaves inappropriately or a teammate who bullies other children, your child should be encouraged to share what is going on, as opposed to subscribing to the idea that a good team member never questions a coach’s authority, even if it is used to exploit or harm others.

“The great majority of coaches care deeply about the long-term development of the children under their supervision, but parents of young athletes are wise to bear in mind an adage that was lost on a number of people involved in the Penn State tragedy: ‘Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.’”

EXPRESSWAY: YOUNG PEOPLE NEED CONNECTIONS

Expressway: Young people need connections

published in NEWSDAY on November 17, 2011

by Andrew Malekoff ©

There are times that I feel as if I am being buried alive, one tablespoon of tabloid dirt at a time. To name names here would be redundant. Besides, they all blur together in blaring headlines like the latest scandal, complements of Happy Valley, Pennsylvania.

I wonder what young people think of the endless parade of public figures – government officials, businessmen, entertainers, professional athletes, college coaches and administrators - crashing and burning before their eyes. Perhaps F. Scott Fitgerald said it best when he wrote: “Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy.”

A few years ago in a survey conducted by North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center, we asked 1200 high school students from all across Long Island to tell us their concerns now and for the future.

One of them wrote: “I don’t think this world is ever going to get better. To live in this world you have to be very very strong, because if you’re not, the system will walk all over you…you really cannot trust anybody but your family, and not even them half the time.”

Relationships, illness, divorce and death weighed heavily on their minds. One wrote about the dissolution of his parents’ marriage, “My parents are getting a divorce and now there is talk about my mother being forced to move out of the house and my father move in and I have no say. I have lost faith in the court system. I thought we had the right to freedom of speech, but I guess actually being heard is another story.”

Another talked about his fears: “I am afraid of a lot of things; mainly dying too young and not getting to live to my greatest expectations.”
We asked, “When you’re confused about life who helps you sort things out?” Almost three-quarters said their parents, and their friends fill that role. Far from rejecting parents in favor of peers, family is part of the solution, not the problem.

In an all-day gathering of teens and adults that followed the release of the survey results, the young people talked about well-meaning parents who are overwhelmed with trying to make ends meet, with little or no time for substantive discussion with them; and they talked about teachers who they admire but who are too preoccupied with preparations for standardized testing.

In one small group discussion that day a parent commented: “What stood out for me the most was the observation by several of the kids that they need support from adults to tackle the challenging issues they face. Often, adults complain that kids are apathetic, lazy, unmotivated or apolitical. Maybe it is our own apathy and fears that prevent us as adults from helping.”

And, a teacher said: “Listening to the depths of emotion and world concerns from the students, I came away feeling that we are missing the boat with our kids. I know this is a generalization but, so many young people are walking around with such powerful feelings that we as adults are not helping them with. Our schools appear to be more interested in control, assessments and achievement scores than the life events that affect our children.”

As I reflect on the voices of young people living all across Long Island I am reminded a simple truth – connections count. It is the good connections in their lives that enable our children to bounce back from private crises such as illness, divorce, drug addiction, child abuse and death; and to keep them from being weighed down by the daily drumbeat and demoralizing impact of public scandal and corruption that beset us.

Andrew Malekoff is executive director and chief executive of North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center.