BEYOND WORDS: TRAUMA AND THE ARTS

by Andrew Malekoff

Powerful images that depict disturbing events in ways that literature alone cannot can be illuminating and healing. Following are three descriptions of different media that capture recent man-made disasters still very close to the surface for many of us.

The first, Please Stand By, is an example of cartoon art in the aftermath of 9/11. The second, The Last Lockdown, is about a sculpture created after the mass school shooting in Parkland, Florida. Both illustrate the fear-inducing paralysis of traumatic events. The last, Memorial Rock Garden, describes bereaved children painting stones to memorialize their deceased dads.

Please Stand By

In the immediate aftermath of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attack on America, several artists joined together to produce a soft cover book entitled 9/11: Artists Respond.  It is a collection of art, sequenced to showcase the artists’ response to the terror that befell the world.

One nine-frame piece entitled “Please Stand By…”, by Jeph Loeb and J. Scott Campbell, features a girl of about eight years old watching cartoons on television. By the third and fourth frames, the image on the screen changes to a live feed of the Twin Towers ablaze.

As the little girl stands transfixed, stuffed animal in hand and her face less than 12 inches from the screen, the commentator announces, “We interrupt this program to take you live…”

The little girl turns away and cries out, “Mommy!” The next three frames begin with her mother dropping a basket of laundry. Then, with her face contorted in anguish, she embraces her daughter to shield her from the unrelenting televised images.

The final frame is a close up of the little girl asking, “Mommy, when are the cartoons gonna come back on?”

The Last Lockdown

The next image is a haunting statue, as described by journalist Josh Hafner, of a “small girl cowering beneath an open school desk, clutching a leg as she gazes into the distance with a look of fear in her eyes.”

The sculpture was created by Manuel Oliver, an artist who lost his 17-year-old son Joaquin in the Parkland, Florida, mass shooting earlier this year. As Oliver said, “It’s too late for us to save Joaquin from gun violence, but through art my family and I are making sure that we protect the rest of the kids out there.”

“Talking about the trauma is rarely if ever enough,” advises noted trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk. He points to the Holocaust Memorial in Jerusalem and the Vietnam War Memorial in Washington, D.C., “as good examples of symbols that enable survivors to mourn the dead and establish the historical and cultural meaning of the traumatic events to remind survivors of the ongoing potential for communality and sharing.”

Memorial Rock Garden

          In 2002 at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, a group of boys and girls who lost fathers in the attack on the World Trade Center decorated stones to be placed in a memorial rock garden.

The kids in the bereavement group sat together around a table covered with newspaper. In front of each of them was a large smooth oval-shaped stone. They decorated the stones with unique designs of paint and glitter, each one a personal remembrance of their fathers.

“Mine is painted gold,” beamed Mack. “I painted it gold because my dad is like gold to me.” A heart framed Jenny’s design, “because my dad will always be in my heart.” On Seth’s stone were two intertwined hands, a small one and a larger one that showed “me and my dad were best friends.” Victoria painted a fire hat and said, “My dad is my hero.”

We might do well to remember that when funding cuts threaten to decimate arts programs in schools there is more at stake then we might imagine. The impact of the arts is not measured by standardized tests and its value is incalculable.

Published in Anton Media's Long Island Weekly, Oct. 23, 2018, link: https://longislandweekly.com/beyond-words-trauma-and-the-arts/ 

Bio: Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

SEEKING HUMANE SOLUTIONS FOR YOUNG REFUGEES

By Andrew Malekoff

In a recent story in the Albany Times Union, reporter Mallory Moench paints a different picture about juvenile asylum seekers as compared to recent stories about caravans purportedly composed of gang members and Middle Eastern terrorists.

In the report we meet Rosa, who left El Salvador as a young adolescent after being targeted by a gang intending to prostitute her. To prevent becoming sexually exploited, she left her parents and crossed the border. She has been living in the Capital Region of New York for the past two years.

Rosa, now 17, is undocumented and is seeking special immigrant juvenile status that would enable her to apply for a green card which permits a foreign national to live and work permanently in the U.S.

Rosa understands that she could be denied and deported. More than 12,500 undocumented young people have participated in immigration court this year alone. For those without a lawyer, the odds of deportation are much greater.

According to the Albany Times Union report, “If juveniles [under the age of 21] have a relative who is a U.S. citizen or green card holder, they can apply for a family-based petition. If they are victims of trafficking, domestic violence or another crime they can apply for crime victim visas. If they’re fleeing persecution like Rosa, they can apply for asylum. If they’re missing one or more parents they’re eligible for special immigrant juvenile status.”

Attorney General Jeff Sessions has taken measures to fast track deportations. Consequently, many juveniles may be sent back to their homelands—and the dangers and threats that await them—before legal proceedings are implemented.

Many of the young people living in New York’s Capital Region, ages 12 to 19, came from El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras or Mexico after being confronted with gang violence. The profile and numbers of refugees on Long Island is similar. It is ironic that with the incendiary political rhetoric of the day, many asylum seekers have been labeled gang members, when it is gangs that they are trying to escape from. 

Many young migrants endured trauma in their passage to the U.S. They faced starvation, violence and abandonment.

There are only two immigration courts in all of New York. One is located in New York City and the other is in Buffalo. For many asylum seekers, the cost for transportation to court hearings prevents them from following through. For example, for those living in the Capital Region, a bus ride can be as much as $100 and more than $500 for private transportation. This is especially daunting when they are living in poverty.

Furthermore, there is a cap on the number of visas given each year and also each month. This contributes to inordinate delays in court.

For most of these juveniles the fear and anxiety of being deported as they await a final legal determination can be unbearable and impacts their ability to heal from the traumatic journey to the U.S.

Immigration laws do need to be enforced as open borders with endless flow of refugees is unsustainable.

The challenge is how to enforce the law, dial down the divisive and hateful rhetoric, demonstrate compassion and seek humane solutions for young migrants simply looking to live without fear.  We’ve strayed from that ideal. I hope we can find our way back.

Bio: Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

WORDS REALLY DO MATTER

Andrew Malekoff

Words matter. Today, this is no more evident than in the incendiary rhetoric – spoken and tweeted - that has contributed to American citizens being pitted against one another.

There is a growing sentiment that the mass shooting in a Pittsburgh synagogue that took the lives of 11 congregants was fueled by hate speech that ignited the shooter’s growing rage.

Although that subject is being abundantly covered in the media, it is the words associated with another kind of shocking death that I wish to draw attention to here. 

When someone takes their life they are most frequently reported to have “committed suicide.” Commit is a word that connotes a criminal act. Yet, suicide is not a crime.

Desiree Woodland, a mom who lost her son to suicide shared her experience in a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) publication. “My son did not commit a crime. He believed the only way to end the unbearable pain was to end his life. He died because he didn’t have the words to express the deep psychological/biological turmoil he was experiencing.”

If not a crime, is suicide an immoral, depraved or sinful act? It isn’t if it is the consequence of mental illness, unbearable stress, or trauma.

Nonetheless, family members who are survivors of suicide loss report the experience of others speaking in hushed tones around them. Some people refer to suicide as a selfish act, the result of poor parenting, a deficit in the family or all of the above.

At the same time that there is a growing demand to tone down divisive and hateful rhetoric in order to prevent interpersonal violence, there needs to be discussion about mental illness and suicide. 

According to Denver psychotherapist Dr. Stacy Freedenthall, “If changing our language can help suicidal people to feel safer asking for help, then changing language can save lives.” 

In academic journals there appears to be an inclination to use the term “completed suicide.” However, committed and completed are terms that advance the stigma and shame related to suicide and should be avoided.

Increasingly there is preference to the expression “died by suicide” which avoids the judgmental undertone of “committed suicide.” 

Perhaps a contributor to The Mighty, a digital health community created to empower and connect people facing health challenges and disabilities, said it best: “By shifting our language around suicide, we have the power to reduce some of the massive shame carried by survivors of suicide. If you feel scared or helpless about what to say to someone who’s lost someone to suicide, take comfort in knowing that, by changing your language about suicide, you’re offering an act of kindness.”

To be published in Blank Slate Media’s – TheIslandNow.com

Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org. 

A FROZEN MOMENT

Andrew Malekoff

Three years ago on a bright September morning, my wife Dale phoned me at my office in Roslyn Heights to tell me about something disturbing that had just happened to her. It was a few days before the Jewish New Year when our family comes together.  

Dale and I both grew up in New Jersey. We relocated permanently to Long Island after we were married in 1980. We raised our children here. She has been teaching art to high school students at the Hebrew Academy of Five Towns and Rockaway, a Yeshiva in Cedarhurst, for close to 35 years.

This is the story she told to me.

She had been shopping at King Kullen in Island Park, about a mile-and-a-half from our home in Long Beach. She was standing in a checkout line unloading a shopping cart full of groceries on to the conveyer belt.

A large man stepped up to wait in line behind her. He had only a few items in a smaller hand-held basket. He seemed agitated; she said she thought it was because he’d have to wait.

Trying to be helpful, she pointed out to him that a cashier had just opened another register just a few aisles away and that there was no one standing in that line.

The man didn’t react. He just stood there, muttering under his breath, appearing to be dissatisfied with the pace of the transaction in front of him.

In my wife’s basket were a number of items for cooking and baking traditional foods for the holidays: brisket, chicken, soup greens, matzo ball mix, and so forth.

Also in the basket were four Yahrzeit candles that we light each year at this time to remember our parents, three of whom died in the 1990’s, all well before their 80^th birthdays. My mother-in-law Ida was the only one who made it past the age of 80.

The man continued mumbling under his breath and, finally, he said out loud: "You know the ovens are still open."

It was a frozen moment. The checkout girl and Dale just looked at one another. It was one of those surreal moments that can leave one feeling momentarily numb.

There was no physical altercation, no yelling, no overt anger. But, in my view, it was every bit of a violent moment.

As she recounted her experience she said, “I wish you were there with me.” I thought about that. Had I been there I’m not sure what I would have done. Initiated a physical confrontation?  Shouted him down? Assessed him as mentally disturbed and ignored him? Calmly asked him, “What do you mean by that?” I’ll never know for sure. 

What I do know is that anti-Semitism is alive and well.

My wife’s disturbing experience, on the eve of our High Holy Days was a fleeting yet indelibly shocking moment and reminder of how close to the surface anti-Semitism is, particularly in our increasingly divided nation our children are inheriting. 

Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visitwww.northshorechildguidance.org.

For publication in Theislandnow.com

REACH OUT AND REMEMBER

Andrew Malekoff

In the aftermath of the 17th anniversary of 9/11 I offer a remembrance of several groups of people – all Queens, NY court personnel - whom I spent a day with in their courthouse, just three days after the 2001 terrorist attack.

The people I met with included individuals with missing relatives or friends, individuals with relatives or friends confirmed dead, individuals who were in the World Trade Center complex during the attack, individuals with family members who barely escaped, and individuals who witnessed the attack and collapse of the Twin Towers from courthouse windows. All were deeply affected. Most were in a state of shock and disbelief.

When I arrived at the courthouse after getting off at the Jamaica stop of the Long Island Railroad, I learned that I would be meeting with three groups of 8 to 12 people each. I was called in by an official from an Employee Assistance Program to offer a supportive group experience. We met in a vacant courtroom. I arranged chairs around two adjacent prosecution and defense tables.

As I awaited the first group a court officer said, “Today should be interesting.” I asked him what he meant. He said, “It’s foreclosure Friday.” He explained that every Friday they have an auction of foreclosed property and, typically, about 200 Arab-Americans participate in the auction, signaling a sense of mounting unease with people of Middle Eastern descent.

I greeted the first group, and one by one the participants revealed signs and symptoms of trauma and stress. These included numbness, shock, headaches, loss of appetite, aches and pains, frequent trips to the bathroom, sleeplessness, flashbacks, startle responses to loud noises (especially airplanes), helplessness, gruesome nightmares, anger, uncertainty, guilt and fear.

Fear was a powerful theme. Many felt that the courthouse was unsafe. During the final group meeting a female court officer walked in unannounced and searched for explosives, explaining that there had been a bomb threat.

At least one or two people wept openly in each group, women and men. In each group at least one person left the room to compose themselves and then came back. More than one person said, “I can’t stop crying.” And more than one said, “I can’t cry.”

Anger was a prevailing theme. There was anger at the government. “How could they let this happen?” they asked.

Many shared feelings of disbelief, saying how surreal it all seems. One said, “I am in a semi-daze; I feel like I am not even here.”

Guilt was prevalent, especially about going on with mundane day-to-day activities. A court officer said he felt insignificant, like “a grain of sand.” He said he felt helpless and wondered if he was going crazy.

The loss of innocence was best expressed by a group member who lamented, “Aren’t our children entitled to the life we enjoyed?”

One group participant’s son escaped from the 78^th floor. He took the stairs. His co-workers waited for the elevator. They didn’t survive. The son’s story was retold by his mother through sobs. When he emerged from the building, she shared, he witnessed “flaming bodies falling from the sky.” Two others held her hands as she told the story.

In each group people reached out to comfort one another through physical touch and understanding words. In one group a woman who said she couldn’t understand why she hadn’t cried was brought to tears by another’s pain over a missing sister.

In closing, the participants in one group agreed that “it’s good to know you’re not alone,” and “it’s good to know you’re not going crazy.”

I found the intensity of that experience and the participants’ ability to reach out to one another moving.

Although I was there to facilitate, my role was to bear witness. It confirmed for me what I was already feeling; when facing incomprehensible tragedy and overwhelming grief we must push ourselves to forgo isolation and reach out to one another.

Another September to reach out and remember.

Bio: Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

Published in the Long Island Weekly, September 12, 2018:  https://longislandweekly.com/reach-out-and-remember-september-11/

                                                                                                        

RESPECTING THE DIGNITY OF THE WORKING PERSON

Andrew Malekoff

By now I imagine you’ve heard all about The Cosby Show actor Geoffrey Owens who was job-shamed for working at Trader Joe’s. If you haven’t heard or just to refresh: A customer recognized him, snapped a few unflattering photos of him bagging potatoes and sold it to a tabloid news outlet that gave it a derisive can-you-believe-what-he’s-doing-now hook. If you are a parent, this is a great story to share and discuss with your kids. If you are a young person still in school it is an important lesson to absorb, store away and preserve so you can come back to it. You might find that you will need it one day.

Although the Yale graduate Owens admitted to feeling humiliated by being exposed in such a disdainful manner, he said that he was not embarrassed about having a side job at Trader Joe’s and that many working actors need to supplement their income to help support themselves and their families. Social media picked up his cause, which led to myriad media appearances and a viral social media presence. He used the opportunity to give voice to the dignity of work.

Here is what he said about that in a September 4 Time Magazine video interview: “The fact that I, as the guy from The Cosby Show, was shamed about working at Trader Joe’s, that story is going to move on, that’s gonna pass. What I hope doesn’t pass is this new recognition, this current sensitivity people are feeling about work and about people working. I hope what continues to resonate is the idea that one job is not better than another. A certain job might pay more, might have better benefits and might look better on paper, but essentially one kind of work is not better, superior to another kind of work and that we re-evaluate that whole idea and we just start honoring the dignity of work and respecting the dignity of the working person.”

Ironically, Owens’ job shaming experience led to thousands of tributes on Twitter, a new acting job with producer-director Tyler Perry and offers of cash gifts from celebrities like rapper Nicki Minaj, all of whom were so moved by Owens.

I found the story to be personally uplifting; and, not because Owens benefited with renewed notoriety and a promising new acting job, but because of his humanity and the dignity he displayed in representing working stiffs all across America, regardless of their stripe or station in life.

Bravo Geoffrey Owens. Well done!

Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org. You can see the Time interview with Geoffrey Owens here: http://amp.timeinc.net/time/5385842/geoffrey-owens-cosby-show-actor-grocery-store-speaks-out?__twitter_impression=true

This article will appear in TheIslandWeekly.com

LOOK AT WHERE WE HAVE COM

By Andrew Malekoff

If you haven’t been initiated just yet, the twitterspere is a fascinating place on the Internet populated by all kinds of people, from your neighbors to local shopkeepers to your long lost cousin to your favorite film actress to world leaders.

By Twittersphere or Twitterverse I refer to postings made on the social media website Twitter, considered collectively.

At any given moment in time postings might include news of the day, personal reflections, political leanings and gleanings, conspiracy theories, calls for social action, fond memories, jokes and riddles, aphorisms, recipes, links to music, film and book reviews, humorous gifs (animated or static images) and much more.

Some posters have millions of followers. Others have less than 10. Anyone can participate by posting or just by scrolling and reading.

If you wish you can respond to posts. You can approve or disapprove of what someone else wrote. Or simply add your own voice to a discussion.

If you do decide to post, beware: there are trolls in the twittersphere. Wikipedia defines a troll as “a person who starts quarrels or upsets people on the Internet to distract and sow discord by posting inflammatory and digressive, extraneous, or off-topic messages with the intent of provoking readers into displaying emotional responses whether for the troll's amusement or a specific gain.”

Fortunately, not every person who responds is a troll. Many are thoughtful and respectful and only interested in expanding a conversation.

Just the other day I was on Twitter and found a discussion about the beginning of the school year. The opening tweet was written on August 22 by a mom from Las Vegas who goes by the handle, @CandaceToddLV: “It’s the 8th day of the school year & I just received a call from my daughters high school informing me they arrested a child with a loaded 9mm gun on campus this morning. I am now standing in my kitchen sobbing. I should not have to live like this. @MomsDemand ”

Candace’s post drew a significant response. Almost 90,000 people “liked” her post and more than 1,700 people responded. One response was written by @marci6687 from Florida who replied, “While absolutely not as scary as your situation, in our 8th day as well we are on our 4th written threat and 5th day of controlled or alert campus.”

Another response was sent by @rememberpink1: “My heart bleeds for you. I had two nephews & a niece at Sandy Hook. As an aunt the pain & fear & anger was unexplainable. It STILL is. And I wasn’t their mother. I stand strong w/ you. I fear every day my kids are in school. We shouldn’t have to fear. THEY shouldn’t have to fear.”

Many of the responses, which I will not share here fed into a debate on gun control, politics and the NRA.

One guy @joe1lane1 wrote, “My wife (school teacher) was in bed when I got home. Asked, “rough day?”  She said they had to do training on stopping wounds, suicides and other things. It wears her out emotionally. Educators are true “Heroes” in this country and get nowhere near the credit they deserve!”

My wife is a teacher as well. As I’m writing this she is on her way to her second day of school. She too will be participating in a similar training today. This has become the new normal.

In a few weeks at my agency North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center our staff members will be participating in an “active shooter” training.

Look at where we have come.

Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visitwww.northshorechildguidance.org. You can also visit: momsdemandaction.org, a grassroots movement of Americans demand reasonable solutions to address our nation’s culture of gun violence, that Candace tagged @MomsDemand in her opening tweet.

Published in TheIslandNow.com August 31, 2018 - https://theislandnow.com/opinions-100/kids-first-look-at-where-we-have-come/