As parents, we naturally want
to keep our children safe. But it’s important to remember that, while it’s a
parent’s job to protect, it’s a child’s job to explore. But for mothers and
fathers who came to the United States from countries in Central and South
America that are rife with war, gang violence and poverty, allowing their
children—and especially their daughters—to explore the world around them can be
terrifying.
Regardless of their origins,
it’s natural for all teens to want to be accepted by their peers and feel like
they are part of American culture, but it’s understandable that the parents of
first-generation Latinas are extremely overprotective. Many immigrated to
America because they wanted their families to be safe, which results in a
tendency to continually hover over their daughters. Many of them won’t let the
girls participate in typical teen activities such as sleepovers, dating or
trips to the mall, which makes the girls feel trapped and isolated.
Even if the teens are allowed
to go out with friends, they are required to have a chaperone, such as a parent
or brother. In addition, they are often relegated to gender-biased roles,
required to cook, clean and take care of their siblings while their brothers
are treated, as one girl said, “like princes.”
The result of these conflicts:
An increasingly large number of teenage Latinas were coming to North Shore
Child & Family Guidance Center with depression, self-harming behaviors and
suicidal thoughts. Some had even attempted suicide.
Determined to help these
girls and their families, Associate Executive Director Regina Barros-Rivera
gathered a team of bilingual, multicultural counselors from the Guidance Center
and created the Latina Girls Project, an innovative program that employs
counseling, monthly outings and other activities designed to tackle issues such
as hopelessness, poor self-esteem and school refusal.
Individual, group and family therapy
are integral pieces of the program. Through therapy, the girls develop trust, learn
healthy ways to deal with stress and depression, and find better ways to
communicate with their parents.
But the monthly outings are
also a very important element of the Latina Girls Project. During one trip to
Manhattan, the girls took part in a workshop led by female artists, dancers and
poets, all accomplished and confident Latina women. This was a huge adventure
for the teens, because they were so often stuck in their home communities—and
also stuck in feelings of low self-esteem, shame and self-consciousness.
At first, the girls couldn’t
say anything positive about themselves; they had no access to such
self-affirming feelings. But they gradually spread their wings, bit by bit, and
took part in art, dance and writing. The teens were uplifted by witnessing the
confidence and compassion of these powerful role models, who told the girls to
look in the mirror and see their own strength and beauty.
This workshop, along with
other trips to historical sites, artistic venues and nature settings, help the girls
shift from feelings of helplessness to hopefulness. Over time, they find their
voices and discover the inner strengths that had eluded them.
By participating in family
therapy and also witnessing the transformation their daughters experience, the
girls’ parents become more compassionate and understand that they need to let
their teens separate in healthy, age-appropriate ways. As one girl put it, “My
parents learned that I just wanted them to be there for me and listen. They
learned that it doesn’t help to question why I feel the way I do but to accept it
and support me.”
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore
Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health
services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out
more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
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