LESSONS FROM THE FIELD

By Andrew Malekoff

In recent years I have written about concussions in youth sports in this space, with a special focus on Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE), a progressive degenerative disease of the brain that is the result of repetitive brain trauma. This was something I knew nothing about in my teenaged years. As a high school and college football player in the 1960s and ’70s, using one’s head as a battering ram and shock absorber was expected.

Beyond the discovery of CTE and what it has generated in the way of much-improved player safety, August never fails to evoke memories of twice-daily summer practices when guys like me went to “training camp” before school started. Training camp lasted about two weeks. It was usually hot out. They were two weeks that felt like a year. Those were the make or break days of my youth. No one was cut from the team as long as they showed up, but many did not last.

The rawest depiction of a brutal summer football camp can be found in the book The Junction Boys by Jim Dent. The subtitle of the book is: How Ten Days in Hell with Bear Bryant Forged a Championship Team. Although I never went through anything quite like the Junction Boys did, it seems that all high school and college football players have similar war stories about summer camp.

I’m not about to rehash what I’ve since learned since the discovery of CTE and the need for protective measures or share stories from my summer football camp days. However, at the risk of being cliché, there are some important lessons I learned from playing football.

As we round out another August, I thought I’d share a few of those lessons here. Most have served me well. Some have a downside. Here goes:

1.     Punctuality. As the saying goes, showing up is half the battle. But don’t just show up; be there on time. In football there were serious consequences for being late, but losing the respect of one’s peers eclipsed them all.

2.     Hard work. Know that when you are working hard, there are others working just as hard and others who are not. Push yourself to surpass your opponents and inspire your teammates.

3.     Stoicism. Keep your head up. Push through disappointment and injuries. This is mostly a good trait, but it can also prevent you from seeking the support you need when you really need it, physically and emotionally.  Vulnerability is not a lesson I learned in football.

4.     Dependability. It is essential that others who are pulling with you toward accomplishing a goal know that they can always count on you. There is a brotherhood that forms on a football team that demands dependability.

5.     Humility. Enjoy success but don’t be boastful. Have gratitude for all those who helped to support your success.

6.     Perseverance. Never give up. It is what your adversaries expect. By pushing through missteps and setbacks you learn what it takes to succeed and that your capacity to overcome failure is greater than you anticipated.

7.     Resilience. As the legendary coach of the Green Bay Packers Vince Lombardi said, “It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get up.” To survive playing football, resilience is essential. 

Fortunately, these lessons can be learned in many places other than the football field. Any group activity that requires teamwork, sacrifice and shared goals generate important life lessons. Make sure the young people in your life put down their cellphones and other tech gadgets and take up a sport, join a club or get involved in the arts, to name a few possibilities.

They’ll grow into better people—and with no head-butting required.

Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

Published in Long Island Weekly, an Anton Weekly publicaton, August 27, 2018 - https://longislandweekly.com/lessons-from-the-field/

AN ABUNDANCE OF HEART

September marks the start of another new school year and, for football diehards, it’s also the kickoff to a new season. The flowing together of the two brings to mind the moving story of former Florida State University (FSU) wide receiver Travis Rudolph and Bo Paske, a sixth grade boy with autism.

At the start of the school year in 2016, Rudolph and several teammates visited Montford Middle School in Tallahassee, located near the FSU campus. When Travis spotted 11-year-old Bo sitting alone in the cafeteria, he walked over with his slice of pizza, joined him, and struck up a conversation.

Travis’ simple act of kindness drew national attention when a photo of the two sitting across from one another went viral. Bo described the lunch as “kind of like me sitting on a rainbow.” Travis remarked: “A lot of people give me credit for doing what I did, even though I just see it as that is me.”

Bo told Travis that he was a big FSU fan. The two of them stayed in touch after their first encounter.

Leah Paske, Bo’s mom, wrote about it on Facebook: “Several times lately I have tried to remember my time in middle school. Did I have many friends? Did I sit with anyone at lunch? Just how mean were kids really? Now that I have a child starting middle school, I have feelings of anxiety for him, and they can be overwhelming. Sometimes I'm grateful for his autism. That may sound like a terrible thing to say, but in some ways I think, I hope, it shields him. He doesn't seem to notice when people stare at him when he flaps his hands. He doesn't seem to notice that he doesn't get invited to birthday parties anymore. And he doesn't seem to mind if he eats lunch alone.”

She went on to say, “A friend of mine sent this beautiful picture to me today and when I saw it with the caption ‘Travis Rudolph is eating lunch with your son’ I replied ‘Who is that?’ He said ‘FSU football player,’ then I had tears streaming down my face. I'm not sure what exactly made this incredibly kind man share a lunch table with my son, but I'm happy to say that it will not soon be forgotten. This is one day I didn't have to worry if my sweet boy ate lunch alone, because he sat across from someone who is a hero in many eyes.”

Difference and inclusion are terms that are increasingly in vogue in today’s public schools. Growing numbers of children who were previously separated in special education classes and schools are being integrated into the “mainstream” in order to reduce costs and provide less restrictive environments for learning and social-emotional development.

Labeled children, particularly as they approach adolescence, are often objectified, devalued, isolated and ridiculed by their peers. Objectification robs individuals of their humanity. In such relationships the different child simply becomes “the other,” the one too often left out in the cold.

In an era when there seems to be no shortage of awful stories generating from college campuses, the story and photo of Travis and Bo is a breath of fresh air. Henry James said that “a good story is both a picture and idea, and that the picture and the idea should try to be interfused.”

The picture of Travis joining Bo at the lunch table tells us that a simple act of kindness can go a long way to making a difference in someone’s life. We learned from Travis that what it takes is just a little effort—and an abundance of heart.

by Andrew Malekoff

Published in Long Island Weekly, August 2017

https://longislandweekly.com/an-abundance-of-heart/

"ONE PERSON CAN IGNITE A FIRE THAT CAN LIGHT THE ENTIRE FOREST"

On March 30, 2016 I had the pleasure of meeting a true hero - Dr. Bennet Omalu. He was the keynoter at the Head Injury Association's Awareness Sports Forum at the Hyatt Regency Long Island.

In 2002 Dr. Omalu discovered the presence of degenerative disease in the brain of National Football League (NFL) player Mike Webster. He named the brain disease chronic traumatic encephalopathy, known as CTE. His discovery has proven to be a powerful pebble that has generated waves throughout the troubled waters of youth, college and professional football, as well as other contact sports.

Dr. Omalu was portrayed by Will Smith in the 2015 film Concussion, based on his book of the same name. Prior to that, he was prominently featured in the public affairs television program Frontline and in the book, League of Denial: The NFL, Concussions and the Battle for Truth.

Although the focus of the head injury forum was to raise awareness to protect school-aged athletes from concussions, Dr. Omalu transcended his role as a forensic scientist, inspiring an audience of several hundred people with his deep faith and fortitude.

He began his remarks by recalling that he was born in war-torn Nigeria and describing how he suffered as a child from malnutrition. He revealed that, "Because of the consequences of war, I became a weakling and introvert who was ridiculed."

The turning point in his life came, he remembered, when he realized that "with knowledge you can do all things." This realization ignited what became a lifetime thirst for learning and quest for truth. In fact, he has earned eight degrees and certifications.

Omalu explained that both science and faith seek truth. The role of faith, he said, "is the manifestation of things we do not see," which was the case with Mike Webster and the rest of the world. Dr. Omalu said that it was his deep faith in humanity that led him to wonder about the cause of Webster's destitution, deterioration and death, and, to "speak" to Webster's spirit during the autopsy.

"Whatever happens to the least of us happens to all of us," he told the rapt audience in Hauppauge; and, "what we do for the least of us, we do for all of us." And, so began his spiritual relationship with the deceased Mike Webster.

Omalu has faced enormous obstacles as a scientist. He shared that he was smeared by National Institute of Health which said he was not a reputable doctor. And he was also defamed by the NFL that did all they could to stonewall his discovery and disassociate the notion that repeated blows to the head were the cause of a degenerative brain disease that led to the premature deaths, including suicides, of scores of former players and counting.

Dr. Omalu spoke to the challenge of working in a context of "conformational intelligence" which he explained as when one's "mind conforms to the expectations of society" and not necessarily truth. "How does conformational intelligence hold down a society?" he asked.

Omalu—who portrayed himself as an "outlier," someone who operates outside of the box—concluded his remarks by stating, "One person can ignite a fire that can light the entire forest."

We owe Dr. Omalu a debt of gratitude for his discovery and for his quest for truth, against all odds.

We must demand that those in power in youth, interscholastic and intercollegiate sports protect our children; and we must help our children, from an early age, to think critically and to develop the good sense and courage, without shame, to speak the truth and break the silence.

https://longislandweekly.com/one-person-can-ignite-fire-can-light-entire-forest/

Bio: Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

"Building Men for Others"

“Building Men for Others”

Andrew Malekoff © 2011

Schoolyards, playing fields, gymnasiums, vacant lots, street corners, makeshift clubhouses, and stoops were but a few of the special places of my boyhood. These were the platforms upon which the richest of memories, sweet and sour, were built. In later years, it has been the countless hours of my work with groups of boys at North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center that have been most evocative of those special places and times. The associated images and scenarios provide me, at each memorable stop, with a visceral reminder of my earliest struggles to belong, to feel special, and to be valued.

I can vividly recall the year-long struggle, at age 10, in trying to scale the grammar school roof; a rite of passage. There was the repeated disappointment in falling short and the intermittent beat of humiliating taunts by the older boys. However, what sticks with me even more is the image of dangling arms from above, my friends reaching out for my outstretched hand: a majestically simple gesture that captured the mutuality upon which our time together would be permanently rooted.

William Pollack, in his book Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood, wrote about boys helping out boys and the importance of them having peers on which to lean. In Season of Life, journalist David Marx developed this theme from an unusual vantage point that is most often associated with what many think of as modern-day gladiator culture - football.

Marx wrote about a season that he spent with a private high school football team in Maryland led by two unconventional coaches, Joe Ehrmann and Biff Poggi. The coaches’ mission with the boys on their team was “to build men for others” by helping the boys develop empathic and nurturing relationships and helping them to commit themselves to causes greater than themselves. Their core lesson was that success was measured by what kind of friends, brothers, husbands, and fathers the boys would become; versus surrendering to attributes of false masculinity comprised exclusively of athletic prowess, sexual conquest, and economic success.

If we hope to raise our boys to become stable, secure, successful, happy, principled, courageous, and inspired men with meaningful relationships in their lives, we must be prepared to attend to their unique needs. Boys emulate what they observe. If what they see is emotional distance, extreme competition, guardedness, and coldness between men, they are prone to copy that behavior. Boys need to be encouraged to initiate friendships, maintain them, and experience and resolve the conflicts that arise in male friendship. Being a part of a group - a club or a team, for example - with sound adult leadership is an ideal arena for learning how to build relationships, negotiate differences and resolve conflicts.

Boys need permission to have an internal world of feelings, peer and adult support to help them to express a full range of emotions, and models of manhood that exemplify emotional attachment. Boys also need to see that physical toughness and stoicism, as stand-alone attributes, are narrow indicators of male strength. They need to see that emotional courage is as genuine an item as physical courage, and that empathy is a source of strength and a foundation for lasting relationships.

Anton newspapers, Long Island, NY, July 2011.

PLAYERS TOO QUIET ABOUT HEAD INJURY

Players too quiet about head injury

Andrew Malekoff

NEWSDAY, appearing on March 3, 2011, p. A35

Concussions in sports have reached alarming proportions that is, indeed, more than an NFL problem ["Football's tragic call to tackle head injury," Editorial, Feb. 25]. This is silent epidemic fueled by a gladiator culture.

What can adults who care about kids do to help to break the silence about this public health issue? We must insist that all children, teenagers and their parents be educated early on about the risks, consequences, signs and symptoms of head injury. This should include values education that puts the gladiator play-at-any-cost culture up for inspection, particularly when it comes to contact sports.

Children need alternative models for demonstrating courage and heart - a counterforce to the dangerous and false belief that putting one's well-being in jeopardy when playing a game is noble. Competitive sports involve sacrifice, perseverance, loyalty, honor and courage - all values that will serve one well throughout life. Maintaining a code of silence about a serious head, or other, injury that can lead to lifelong consequences must be deemed unacceptable.

We must demand that those in power in youth, interscholastic and intercollegiate sports protect our children; and we must help our children, from an early age, to think critically and develop the good sense and courage, without shame, to break the silence.

Editor's note: The writer is the executive director of the North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center in Roslyn Heights.