LOOK AT WHERE WE HAVE COM

By Andrew Malekoff

If you haven’t been initiated just yet, the twitterspere is a fascinating place on the Internet populated by all kinds of people, from your neighbors to local shopkeepers to your long lost cousin to your favorite film actress to world leaders.

By Twittersphere or Twitterverse I refer to postings made on the social media website Twitter, considered collectively.

At any given moment in time postings might include news of the day, personal reflections, political leanings and gleanings, conspiracy theories, calls for social action, fond memories, jokes and riddles, aphorisms, recipes, links to music, film and book reviews, humorous gifs (animated or static images) and much more.

Some posters have millions of followers. Others have less than 10. Anyone can participate by posting or just by scrolling and reading.

If you wish you can respond to posts. You can approve or disapprove of what someone else wrote. Or simply add your own voice to a discussion.

If you do decide to post, beware: there are trolls in the twittersphere. Wikipedia defines a troll as “a person who starts quarrels or upsets people on the Internet to distract and sow discord by posting inflammatory and digressive, extraneous, or off-topic messages with the intent of provoking readers into displaying emotional responses whether for the troll's amusement or a specific gain.”

Fortunately, not every person who responds is a troll. Many are thoughtful and respectful and only interested in expanding a conversation.

Just the other day I was on Twitter and found a discussion about the beginning of the school year. The opening tweet was written on August 22 by a mom from Las Vegas who goes by the handle, @CandaceToddLV: “It’s the 8th day of the school year & I just received a call from my daughters high school informing me they arrested a child with a loaded 9mm gun on campus this morning. I am now standing in my kitchen sobbing. I should not have to live like this. @MomsDemand ”

Candace’s post drew a significant response. Almost 90,000 people “liked” her post and more than 1,700 people responded. One response was written by @marci6687 from Florida who replied, “While absolutely not as scary as your situation, in our 8th day as well we are on our 4th written threat and 5th day of controlled or alert campus.”

Another response was sent by @rememberpink1: “My heart bleeds for you. I had two nephews & a niece at Sandy Hook. As an aunt the pain & fear & anger was unexplainable. It STILL is. And I wasn’t their mother. I stand strong w/ you. I fear every day my kids are in school. We shouldn’t have to fear. THEY shouldn’t have to fear.”

Many of the responses, which I will not share here fed into a debate on gun control, politics and the NRA.

One guy @joe1lane1 wrote, “My wife (school teacher) was in bed when I got home. Asked, “rough day?”  She said they had to do training on stopping wounds, suicides and other things. It wears her out emotionally. Educators are true “Heroes” in this country and get nowhere near the credit they deserve!”

My wife is a teacher as well. As I’m writing this she is on her way to her second day of school. She too will be participating in a similar training today. This has become the new normal.

In a few weeks at my agency North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center our staff members will be participating in an “active shooter” training.

Look at where we have come.

Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visitwww.northshorechildguidance.org. You can also visit: momsdemandaction.org, a grassroots movement of Americans demand reasonable solutions to address our nation’s culture of gun violence, that Candace tagged @MomsDemand in her opening tweet.

Published in TheIslandNow.com August 31, 2018 - https://theislandnow.com/opinions-100/kids-first-look-at-where-we-have-come/

ANIMAL ASSISTED THERAPY FOR VULNERABLE YOUTH

By Andrew Malekoff©, Summer 2018

For almost two decades, my agency, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center has been utilizing Animal Assisted Therapy (AAT) in outpatient mental health work with youths and their families, working in partnership with local canine and equine organizations.  An adjunct to traditional therapy, AAT relies on the human-animal bond in goal-directed interventions as an essential part of the therapeutic work. 

According to leading AAT expert Cynthia Chandler some of the reasons to include animals in therapy are:

1.     Consumers may be more motivated to attend and participate in therapy because of a desire to spend time with the therapy pet.

2.     Consumers may receive healing nurturance and affection through physical contact with the therapy pet.

3.     Consumers may experience genuine acceptance by the therapy pet.

4.     In many instances . . . consumers may be able to perform activities and achieve goals that would not otherwise be possible without the assistance of a therapy pet.

Following is an illustration of animal assisted group work using a therapy dog to build social competencies and self confidence in group members.

In a group that was composed of early adolescents who were identified as painfully shy or socially awkward, the group members were all drawn to the therapy dog Elvis, who was introduced as a new “group member.”

Everyone wanted to pet Elvis, a Basset Hound, and feed him treats. The norm in groups like this is to earn time with Elvis by taking steps forward in skill development. For example, speaking up and talking about one’s experiences in the previous week could earn time with Elvis. In addition, the work is metaphorical in the sense that the group members are directed to notice things about Elvis. 

For example, one group member says, “Elvis looks a little shy.” To which the worker asks, “How can you tell?” This ignites a process in which members begin to build their powers of observation and reading non-verbal cues, for example.

In animal assisted groups the group worker must work closely with a co-facilitator, the animal handler. The handler is like an interpreter who can teach about his or her dog. For example, “This is how Elvis will show you if he is a little shy and here is how you can approach him.” The group members transfer learning by observing and learning about and interacting with the animal. They can then practice without being hit over the head with it by being lectured to.

Success comes by noticing the animal or by failing to do so. For example, if an animal shies away, group members learn that maybe he needs some quiet time. In other words, the members discover that there are lessons learned from not having their wishes fulfilled all the time.

Having an animal handler as a co-leader is not very complicated since their role is circumscribed. The handler is an interpreter who loves to talk about the personality of his or her dog and its uniqueness. They can humanize how the dogs speak and keep appropriate boundaries (e.g. not rushing at someone socially). Using dogs are a little easier to arrange for logistically, but there are a growing number of settings that offer equine facilitated therapy, which add another dimension to group work for shy and awkward youths.

According to my North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center colleague social worker Lee Holtzman, Animal Assisted Therapy is a viable alternative to work with children and youths who have a history of trauma. Expanding research in the area of how trauma affects the brain has highlighted the role of adjunct therapies such as yoga and animal assisted therapy, for example, to help people safely regain the ability to feel their bodies and to uncover and release painful memories stored in the body.

Finally, two guidelines to keep in mind when planning to use animals are: (1) Seek parental permission. This is particularly relevant to culturally sensitive practice. There are certain cultures that may have strong attitudes towards human-animal interaction that might preclude practice with animals. In any case, engaging parents in the process is a must; and (2) Screen for proper credentialing and training. Carefully screen animals and handlers to be sure that they are properly trained and credentialed.

Published in the New York State Behavioral Health News, Summer issue 2017

PARKLAND YOUTH, ACTIVISM AND TRIUMPH OVER HELPLESSNESS AND DESPAIR

By Andrew Malekoff© February 19, 2018

The 2018 Valentine’s Day massacre at Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida has elevated beyond cliché status the oft-stated sentiment about a loss of innocence in childhood. For many, the events of that day evoked painful memories of the 2012 Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting and scores more in recent decades. Schools, movie theaters, concert venues and more have become American killing fields.

After “thoughts and prayers” are paraded around by politicians from all sides, what happens next? 

Many gun rights advocates, refusing to allow for the fact that our forefathers were talking about the right to bear arms such as muskets and had no conception of guns that could shoot down dozens in an instant, stand in the position that it’s not about guns but rather mental illness.

As the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which serves children and their families facing issues such as depression, anxiety and substance use disorders, I have seen the many faces of mental illness and addictions for more than 40 years. It is incredibly rare for those who are labeled as mentally ill to be violent. In fact, they are far more likely to be the victims of violence than the perpetrators.

Nevertheless, we do need to have a discussion about mental illness at times like these. That discussion, however, needs to be about how health insurance companies and the elected officials who count on their donations are failing miserably at having adequate numbers of providers on their lists who take insurance.

Over and over again, we hear that, before they found North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which never turns anyone away for inability to pay, they made numerous calls to the mental health providers on their insurer’s list and found that they no longer take insurance or are booked for months.

Aside from receiving emotional first-aid, the surviving students from Douglas High are demonstrating that they need to take action; action that represents triumph over the demoralization of helplessness and despair. 

Noted trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk said that “talking about the trauma is rarely if ever enough.”  Survivors have a need to create symbols such as memorials or participate in action that “enable them to mourn the dead and establish the historical and cultural meaning of the traumatic events.”

The surviving students from Parkland are turning their heartbreak and rage into activism by demanding a new look into America’s gun laws, as Emily Witt wrote in the New Yorker (Feb. 17). In her encounters with some of the surviving students she reported that “Their grief was raw, their rage palpable.”

“Emma Gonzalez, a senior at Douglas, had the most searing indictment:

“The people in the government who were voted into power are lying to us. And us kids seem to be the only ones who notice and are prepared to call B.S.

“Companies, trying to make caricatures of the teen-agers nowadays, saying that all we are self-involved and trend-obsessed and they hush us into submissions when our message doesn’t reach the ears of the nation, we are prepared to call B.S.

“Politicians who sit in their gilded House and Senate seats funded by the N.R.A., telling us nothing could ever be done to prevent this: we call B.S.

“They say that tougher gun laws do not prevent gun violence: we call B.S.”

From Columbine to Parkland, there have been so many shocking events in between. Too many have faded from consciousness.

As Journalist Gary Smith, who wrote about a lesser known 2012 shooting at Chardon High School in Ohio, stated: "The clock is already ticking in the land of amnesia."

How long before Parkland, too, is gone? If it is up to the young activists in Parkland, never.

Published in Blank Slate media February 2018       

WHEN YOUR CHILD RELATES BETTER TO SCREENS THAN HUMAN BEINGS

By Andrew Malekoff© November 2017

On Friday, October 20 North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center hosted psychotherapist, author and parenting expert Sean Grover for a workshop titled “When Your Child Relates Better to Screens than Human Beings.” We were pleased to offer this program to help fortify parents during these difficult times.

As tech-dependence increases, many kids move through the world in a self-centered bubble, separated from their own thoughts and feelings, as well as the thoughts and feelings of others. As conversation skills and positive interactions crumble, technology even starts to change kids’ sense of humanity; they are less compassionate and sensitive to others. The workshop explored these vital issues and offered advice about what parents can do to help.

“Everywhere you look, children are staring into cell phones, screens, computer screens, tablets, iPads and more,” said Grover, who has appeared on the Today Show, in the New York Times and in many other media outlets. “While some kids use technology as a pastime, others are absorbed by it.

Technology devours their lives. They can’t put it down or turn it off. These kids tend to be more isolated and anxious, have poor people skills, difficulty maintaining friendships or an unstable sense of self.”

In his workshop, Grover gave parents guidelines on how to take back control and help their offspring wean off their technology addiction. Here are some of his tips:

1. Tech Blackouts

Set aside specific times at home when no one (parents included) uses technology. Cell phones, computers, iPad...everything is off. If you want your kid to be less tech-addicted, you must lead the way. Tech-free time can be spent reading, talking, playing games, cooking, making art...anything creative or social will do.

2. Tech Hours

Kids resist structure — but fall apart without it. Technology needs limits. For instance, I often recommend that families establish tech hours; time for homework, gaming or surfing the Internet. Scheduling tech time will help to limit battles by setting clear guidelines. For instance, when it comes to gaming, many parents may allow thirty minutes a day during the school week and two hours a day on the weekends.

3. Tech Spaces

When possible, keep all technology in a common space like the living room — not in a child’s bedroom. Establish communal places for tech time; try to avoid allowing your kid to disappear for hours behind a closed door.

4. Tech Limits

There are plenty of online services that can filter out inappropriate or violent material. These services can also limit Internet access by scheduling times that the Internet is available and times when it is not. One example of such a service is Net Nanny.

If you haven’t already read between the lines, you should know that how you use tech devices influences your ability to effectively guide your kids. Although your example is not the sole factor, keep in mind that as distant as some kids become from adults as they are moving through their teen years, they continue to observe you, and more closely than you know.

As the lyrics from the 1970s-80s new wave rock band the Police advise: “Every breath you take, Every move you make, Every bond you break, Every step you take, I'll be watching you.”

Published in Long Island Weekly, November 2017

MENTAL HEALTH EDUCATION A MUST FOR SCHOOLS

New legislation signed by Governor Cuomo in 2016 requires that public schools in New York State begin providing instruction in mental health on or after July 1, 2018. The legislation was co-sponsored by Senator Carl Marcellino (R-Nassau) and Assemblywoman Kathy Nolan (D-Queens).

The new legislation adds mental health education to areas of learning that were already required by law, including education on the use and misuse of alcohol, tobacco and other substances and the early detection of cancer.

According to Glen Liebman, CEO of the Mental Health Association in New York State, “By ensuring that young people are educated about mental health, we increase the likelihood that they will be able to recognize signs in themselves and others that indicate when help is needed and how to get help.”

Why is this legislation so important? One in five adolescents ages 13-18 is diagnosed with a mental health problem, yet only 40% get help. The average time from onset to seeking help is eight to 10 years. According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in 12 high school students attempt suicide, the third leading cause of death for 10 to 24 year olds.

Teaching about mental health in schools and educating to reduce stigma is long overdue. There is great misunderstanding and fear among many who have erroneous ideas about people with mental illness. Consequently, young people suffering with mental illness walk around school feeling isolated, believing that there’s something inherently wrong with them that will never change.

These children and teens often feel shunned, unlike their peers who have a physical health problem and who have others rally around them. I can vividly recall a news report and photo of a middle school boy afflicted with cancer who was receiving chemotherapy. In the photo he was surrounded by his teacher and a smiling group of his classmates, all of whom shaved their heads in solidarity with him. Imagine if instead of cancer he was depressed and suicidal. There would be no such image of public support, only one of isolation, shame and despair.

A caring school community can offer a young person a safety net of meaningful and helpful connections. It is not unusual for a teenager to feel defective when struggling alone with a mental illness. Mental health education in schools can begin with mental wellness practices for children as early as four or five years old, for example, by teaching social skills and how to manage angry feelings.

As children grow they can learn about the concept of wellness including self-care and personal responsibility. They can learn to recognize the signs and symptoms of developing mental health problems, how to manage crises such as the risk of suicide and self-harm and how to identify appropriate services and supports for treating and maintaining recovery from mental illness.

can already hear those voices that will decry using educational resources for addressing the emotional needs of kids. If that is your view, I ask you to consider that approximately 50% of students age 14 and older who are living with a mental illness drop out of high school. Youngsters’ mental health and their ability to learn and become productive citizens in the community and workplace go hand-in-hand.

We owe it to our children to support this vital new legislation by encouraging schools to incorporate meaningful education into the curriculum that reinforces the idea that mental health is an integral part of wellbeing. Our children need to learn that there is help that can lead to recovery.

Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director and CEO of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visitwww.northshorechildguidance.org.

This article first appeared in Long Island Weekly, an Anton Media Group publication, on September 27

SCREENAGERS: GROWING UP IN THE DIGITAL AGE

On February 8, 2017, I was invited to participate in a program for parents and their teen and pre-teen children at East Woods School in Oyster Bay. The focus was on raising awareness about the struggles and danger our youth face today in connection with improper and inappropriate use of social media, cyber-bullying and gaming addictions. The program included a viewing of the documentary film Screenagers: Growing Up in the Digital Age, and featured a live panel discussion afterwards. I was one of four panelists.

Before seeing the film, I read some anonymous reviews written by adults and kids.  Many of them sounded like this one: “Spot on Fantastic!” A few others were more critical. For example, a 16-year-old wrote, “It focuses on the downsides of electronics and never positives.” A 12-year-old wrote, “The message of Screenagers is that kids just exist for their parents to boss around and children's opinions don't matter.”

The film was well done and did spend a good deal of time presenting the risks in the digital world. The strength of the film was the interaction it stimulated, a positive step toward reducing isolation and building community.

The audience of kids and adults was asked, “Are you more fearful after having seen the film?” Easily more than half the parents raised their hands. A 13-year-old boy, when asked what he thought, said that he hadn’t realized how the overuse of digital technology impacts the brain and learning.

I shared the insight that, “Most parents are immigrants to the digital world, while our kids are digital natives.” A mom responded by saying that she never thought about it that way, like actual immigration and the misunderstandings it can create between the generations.  Another parent spoke to the analogy by citing the challenge of trying to negotiate traditional and modern values with her kids, and how to preserve their cultural heritage without preventing them from adapting and growing.  

            “The digital world is an evolving landscape that parents have to learn to navigate,” said Kathleen Clark-Pearson, M.D., in a report she co-authored for the American Academy of Pediatrics. 

The digital world is a great place for kids to connect socially, share photos with family, learn and have fun. As “immigrants” to this high-tech arena, parents would do well to immerse themselves in the digital world of their children and learn as much as possible in order to build common ground for communicating effectively with their kids.

            If a child’s job is to explore and a parent’s job is to protect, becoming more knowledgeable and proficient in digital technology is essential for parents to help their children navigate the many risks and dangers of the digital world including online grooming, cyber-bullying, sexting, gaming addiction and sleep deprivation. Of course, adults are also susceptible to risks and, we have to be careful not to fall victim to “distracted parent syndrome,” when we use our own hand-held devices, for example.

            I shared the story of observing a mother and her pre-teen son sitting across from one another at a local diner. She did not get off of her mobile phone the entire time. The boy did not have such a device. He just fidgeted most of the meal. It was so sad. What was he learning from her example?

            Social media and digital technology are here to stay. The benefits far outweigh the dangers, but with the average kid spending 6.5 hours a day looking at screens, it’s imperative that parents learn the ins and outs, growing with their kids as we all get accustomed to this new world.  

Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

Originally appeared in Long Island Weekly, April 2017
https://longislandweekly.com/no-matter-youre-going-youre-worth-something/

           

           

POISONED CHILDREN IN AMERICA

Published in The Hill, February 16, 2016

By Andrew Malekoff

The poisoning of an American city: Where is the outrage about the incomprehensible crime against the children and families of Flint?

I have worked for the welfare of children for 45 years, starting as a big brother in New Brunswick, New Jersey when I was an undergraduate at Rutgers College and, after graduating, as a VISTA volunteer in Grand Island, Nebraska.  Then I went on to get my masters in social work at Adelphi, and I’ve worked in the children’s mental health field on Long Island ever since.

I’ve marched, testified before government bodies for social causes including war, police brutality, school shootings, mental health, addictions and funding for human services. I participated in relief efforts after a number of large-scale disasters such as 9/11 and Hurricane Sandy.

In each case, no matter how urgent the need, how disorienting the circumstances or how depressing the situation I’ve always tried to make some sense out of what happened, even in the most incomprehensible of situations such as the Newtown shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

Early on in my work life, someone suggested that if you are passionate about something and wish to be an advocate you must ask yourself these two questions: Why am I awake? And how do I relate to those who are asleep? In an attempt to wake people up, I’ve written a number of opinion pieces for publications like Newsday to better synthesize my own thoughts and feelings and convey messages that might educate and awaken others. In most cases I found colleagues and neighbors who shared my outrage and stood with and by me on issues that concerned me.

But, as I reach my 65th year in a few months, I must say that although I never ranked the private and public horrors that have unfolded in my lifetime, I believe the poisoning of Flint, Michigan to be the most incomprehensible of all. And although there is outrage and protest, I find it subdued in contrast to other tragedies I have witnessed.

The poisoning of an American city and all of its children, mostly racial minorities, is an act born of government bureaucrats’ wish to cut costs and what filmmaker Michael Moore said would have been considered ethnic cleansing by our government leaders if it happened in any other country but our own.

There is news coverage and there is finally some action being taken, but it feels muted to me as compared to Sandy Hook, for example. The residents of an entire American city were poisoned for 19 months. There were warning signs, yet government officials told the citizenry that the water was fine. It wasn’t until researchers pointed to elevated levels of lead in children under five after the switch to a cheaper water supply that any changes were made. After 19 months of poisoning.

We are all too familiar in New York with government corruption. We’ve been treated to a parade of legislators and public officials charged with and convicted of bribery, fraud, conspiracy, racketeering, money laundering, tax evasion and such. But poisoning children? 

If it were my children who were poisoned I can only imagine what I might do. Yet none of the Flint parents are acting on the murderous rage that I think I would feel and expect they may also feel. I guess it is because acting on such impulses would do nothing to help their children. 

Yet, how do you go on knowing that your unborn child, infant, toddler or school-age child with a still-developing brain will be damaged for life with cognitive impairments? How do you go on knowing that their intellectual potential will be significantly limited because government bureaucrats were looking for a shortcut to balance the budget? What can you say to a parent that might offer them some solace?

I can't think of a thing. Can you?

Malekoff is executive director of the nonprofit children’s mental health agency North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center in Roslyn Heights, NY.

IT'S TIME TO OPEN DIALOGUE WITH YOUNG PEOPLE

If you are a sentient being you’re well aware of the alarming degree of divisiveness that has been generated as a result of the presidential campaign. Given the growing incidence of hateful speech and action, there is a desperate need for open dialogue with young people.

I can vividly recall meeting with a therapy group for troubled teens some 25 years ago. They raised the subject of race and racism after having been exposed repeatedly to the videotaped TV footage of the Rodney King beating, which foreshadowed the current era of cell phone videos and body cams.

Rodney King was an African-American man who became widely known after being beaten by Los Angeles police officers after a high-speed car chase on March 3, 1991. A local resident witnessed the beating and videotaped it from his nearby apartment. The officers were tried in court but were found not guilty.

The two minority members of the group spoke about their own fear and “paranoia.” I listened and then told them “just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.”

In 1968, psychiatrists William Greir and Price Cobbs noted in their book Black Rage that, for some people, a suspiciousness of one’s environment is necessary for survival.

Indeed, the phenomenon of adaptive paranoia—which recognizes real threats, not imaginary ones—is not at all uncommon to minority groups who have experienced profound prejudice historically and who now, after the brutal 2016 campaign, are more concerned than ever.

Here’s what we know for sure: Reports of hateful intimidation and harassment are on the rise since the election.  According to the Southern Poverty Law Center there were more than 850 accounts of racism, Islamophobia and xenophobia between November 9 and the morning of November 14. 

Recently, I posed these questions on social media: What is the emotional impact of the trickle-down divisive campaign rhetoric on the nation's children? What signs are you seeing? What can you do? Here are two responses:

“Hispanic students are afraid to go to school because classmates bully them and tell them they are being deported.”

 “Immigrant children are terrified! They are afraid their parents are going to be sent away. I think it is important to allow a space for dialogue.”

Now, more than ever, rather than squash discussion on these sensitive matters, we owe it to the young people in our lives to foster open dialogue. Noted family therapist Harry Aponte’s reflection on diversity might serve us well as a guideline. He said,

“Diversity is not about us-versus-them. And neither is it about easy agreement among different cultural, ethnic and racial groups… It is a bold, rich and complex tapestry. It has to do with being different in values, traditions and speech, and the same in human need, suffering and love. It has to do with living in separate neighborhoods, and together in the larger common community of nation. Diversity of culture, ethnicity and race gets its significance and specialness in the context of our universal identification as human beings.”

Although a better understanding and respect for cultural differences is important, we owe it to our children to reach for commonalties experienced across cultures. That is the way we will open new pathways for connection.

Bio: Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org or find them on Facebook.

WHEN ARE THE CARTOONS GONNA COME BACK ON?

Violence—random, sudden, illogical, and lethal—has become a fact of life. Shootings and acts of terror, homegrown and imported, with or without racial or religious overtones, have become gruesome signposts along a seemingly endless path of public and private horrors. They are taking a toll on our children.

No child should have to wake up each day as if he or she was on 24-hour-a-day guard duty. But in the United States this is the reality.

We can no longer think of these as isolated incidents, aberrations or confined to urban settings. Denial, an emotional trap door, is not a viable escape in a world where a sense of imminent threat is ever present.  

In the immediate aftermath of the September 11, 2001 attack, writer Jeph Loeb and artist J. Scott Campbell produced a nine-framed cartoon entitled “Please Stand By,” that featured a very young girl watching cartoons.

By the third and fourth frames, the image on the screen changed to a live feed of the Twin Towers ablaze. As the little girl stood transfixed, stuffed animal in hand, the commentator announced, “We interrupt this program to take you live…,” the little girl turned away and called, “Mommy…” The next three frames began with her mother dropping a basket of laundry. Then, with her face contorted in anguish, she embraced her daughter to shield her from the unrelenting images. The final frame is a close up of the little girl asking, “Mommy, when are the cartoons gonna come back on?”

Among those who are left in the wake of violent acts are the survivors - friends and family members of victims, who live with the emptiness, frustration, and rage of incomprehensible death by violence.

Earlier this month, as the mother of the oldest child of Alton Sterling, the black man fatally shot by Baton Rouge, Louisiana police, expressed sorrow and outrage at his death, Cameron Sterling, 15, the oldest of Sterling’s children wept inconsolably by her side, for the entire world to see and experience his heartbreak.

One day later a St. Paul, Minnesota Montessori school cafeteria supervisor Philando Castile met a similar fate. Just one day after his shooting, five police officers, protecting  hundreds of people in Dallas, Texas, who were peacefully protesting the two shootings, were gunned down and murdered, ambush-style, by a lone shooter who was fueled by racial hatred and bent on misguided revenge. Ten days after the Dallas shootings, three Baton Rouge police officers met a similar fate.

Beyond those left in the direct wake of violence are growing numbers of young people who are fed a regular diet of horrific episodes of violence through graphic media accounts such as the live streaming of a bloodied and gasping Philando Castile, filmed by his girlfriend Diamond Reynolds who wanted the world to join her in bearing witness as he took his last breaths.

In the aftermath of trauma, children (and others) feel fearful, unprotected, hyper-vigilant, and hopeless and on their own; similar to orphans who feel they must take care themselves.

We are living in world gone mad, a place where the rich diversity of colors, shades, languages, orientations, beliefs and rituals should be shared and celebrated rather than drawn as battle lines. The answers do not lie in books of psychology or popular bromides, or in aspiring national leaders who have proven to be untrustworthy.

The answer lies in being mindful - paying attention on purpose, making connections with one another and building a sense of communality.

https://longislandweekly.com/cartoons-gonna-come-back/

Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

"ONE PERSON CAN IGNITE A FIRE THAT CAN LIGHT THE ENTIRE FOREST"

On March 30, 2016 I had the pleasure of meeting a true hero - Dr. Bennet Omalu. He was the keynoter at the Head Injury Association's Awareness Sports Forum at the Hyatt Regency Long Island.

In 2002 Dr. Omalu discovered the presence of degenerative disease in the brain of National Football League (NFL) player Mike Webster. He named the brain disease chronic traumatic encephalopathy, known as CTE. His discovery has proven to be a powerful pebble that has generated waves throughout the troubled waters of youth, college and professional football, as well as other contact sports.

Dr. Omalu was portrayed by Will Smith in the 2015 film Concussion, based on his book of the same name. Prior to that, he was prominently featured in the public affairs television program Frontline and in the book, League of Denial: The NFL, Concussions and the Battle for Truth.

Although the focus of the head injury forum was to raise awareness to protect school-aged athletes from concussions, Dr. Omalu transcended his role as a forensic scientist, inspiring an audience of several hundred people with his deep faith and fortitude.

He began his remarks by recalling that he was born in war-torn Nigeria and describing how he suffered as a child from malnutrition. He revealed that, "Because of the consequences of war, I became a weakling and introvert who was ridiculed."

The turning point in his life came, he remembered, when he realized that "with knowledge you can do all things." This realization ignited what became a lifetime thirst for learning and quest for truth. In fact, he has earned eight degrees and certifications.

Omalu explained that both science and faith seek truth. The role of faith, he said, "is the manifestation of things we do not see," which was the case with Mike Webster and the rest of the world. Dr. Omalu said that it was his deep faith in humanity that led him to wonder about the cause of Webster's destitution, deterioration and death, and, to "speak" to Webster's spirit during the autopsy.

"Whatever happens to the least of us happens to all of us," he told the rapt audience in Hauppauge; and, "what we do for the least of us, we do for all of us." And, so began his spiritual relationship with the deceased Mike Webster.

Omalu has faced enormous obstacles as a scientist. He shared that he was smeared by National Institute of Health which said he was not a reputable doctor. And he was also defamed by the NFL that did all they could to stonewall his discovery and disassociate the notion that repeated blows to the head were the cause of a degenerative brain disease that led to the premature deaths, including suicides, of scores of former players and counting.

Dr. Omalu spoke to the challenge of working in a context of "conformational intelligence" which he explained as when one's "mind conforms to the expectations of society" and not necessarily truth. "How does conformational intelligence hold down a society?" he asked.

Omalu—who portrayed himself as an "outlier," someone who operates outside of the box—concluded his remarks by stating, "One person can ignite a fire that can light the entire forest."

We owe Dr. Omalu a debt of gratitude for his discovery and for his quest for truth, against all odds.

We must demand that those in power in youth, interscholastic and intercollegiate sports protect our children; and we must help our children, from an early age, to think critically and to develop the good sense and courage, without shame, to speak the truth and break the silence.

https://longislandweekly.com/one-person-can-ignite-fire-can-light-entire-forest/

Bio: Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

HELP YOUR KIDS BLOSSOM

Finally, what seemed like the longest, coldest winter in memory is over. I don’t know about you, but I’m grateful to spend time soaking up the sun, walking and biking along the boardwalk in my Long Beach neighborhood.

But during my excursions, it saddens me to see how many young people are isolated and clueless about the beauty of the world surrounding them. Most are staring down at their phones as they text or scroll through their Instagram feeds.  

For other kids, their tech device of choice doesn’t even make it out of the house. It can be a perfect spring day—75 degrees, sunny, not a cloud in the sky—and these youngsters prefer to stay indoors, playing video games or glued to some other form of electronic device.

Make no mistake: Regardless of their protestations otherwise, a number of these children and teens are not only lonely and miserable, but they’re at risk of a host of physical, social and emotional problems.

Here are just a few: We all know that obesity is an epidemic in our culture, and a big reason is that our kids’ addiction to gadgets means they’re not outside running around and playing. Lack of movement plus bags of chips and big gulp sodas equals overweight  youth—who are likely to turn into unhealthy adults.

Socially, when kids spend all their time on Facebook instead of face-to-face with their peers, they feel isolated and alone. Finally, research suggests that kids who don’t spend enough time in nature are prone to anxiety and depression.

What’s a parent to do? There’s no better time of year than now to get out there with your kids and start digging and planting.

Here at North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, we’ve seen firsthand how children blossom when they “get back to the garden.” At our Roslyn Heights headquarters, groups of children and teens water, seed and weed our organic bed, and they’re filled with pride when they see lettuce, tomatoes, peppers and other vegetables grow. And, since much of the produce they harvest is donated to local food pantries, they experience the pride that comes from helping others.

Through their work in the garden, we saw kids who were shy and insecure develop self-confidence and make new friends. They learned social, leadership and team-building skills. They felt a sense of accomplishment that they had never experienced before.  

Tending the garden and watching it grow enabled them to intensify their sense of wonder and curiosity.

Gardening helps kids connect to the Earth, to each other and, yes, even to their parents. Young children will be in awe as you show them the fruits (and vegetables) of your joint labor. If your teens are reluctant to work with you, that’s OK. Give them some responsibilities of their own, such as watering or weeding; expose them to tools that they can begin to master—and don’t be surprised if they end up sharing some gardening hours with you. By sowing seeds and harvesting bounty, they gain a more visceral sense of how things change over time.

Another plus: Gardeners might not use the terminology, but they achieve a natural state of calm and focus that’s become known as “mindfulness.”

Though people often associate it with meditation, mindfulness doesn’t require hours of prayerful silence or chanting mantras.  Mindfulness at its core is about paying attention—staying in the present, moment by moment—to feelings, thoughts, bodily sensations and the surrounding environment in a judgment-free way.

Mindfulness is an inherent part of the experience of tending to a garden; it gives kids new ground to stand on, both literally and figuratively, embracing their senses of sight, smell, sound, touch and taste. Mindfulness in nature calms the brain, allowing for reflection and healing, and it’s also great for the body, lowering stress, inflammation and blood pressure.

If gardening isn’t up your alley, not to worry. Being outdoors—whether hiking in the woods, riding your bike or swimming at the ocean—restores the spirit, and there’s bound to be an activity your kids will enjoy.

So, whether you are eight or 80 or anywhere in between, take advantage of the beautiful weather and find your bliss. It’s right outside your door.

Bio: Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org. 

BULLIES MOVE FROM THE PLAYGROUND TO CYBERSPACE

Members of a Wisconsin middle school basketball team are being lauded as heroes, and rightfully so. When the boys noticed some bullies making fun of one of their cheerleaders—a 14-year-old girl named Desiree who has Down’s Syndrome—they took action, walking over to them and telling the offenders to cut it out. 

As one of the boys told reporters, "They were pointing and laughing at her from the stands. It's not funny to make fun of somebody by the way they look or act." Another said, "This is not a one-time thing. You always have to stick up for kids that are bullied. It’s the right thing to do."

Just how many kids are being bullied, either online, in school or both? Recent studies report some startling statistics:

§  83 percent of girls and 79 percent of boys report being bullied either in school or online.

§  75 percent of school shootings have been linked to harassment and bullying against the shooter.

§  About 160,000 teens skip school every day because they are bullied, and 1 in 10 teens drops out of school due to repeated bullying.

§  Kids who are bullies as young adults continue the trend of abuse and violence into adulthood. By the age of 30, about 40 percent of boys identified as bullies in middle and high school had been arrested three or more times.

The most frequent targets are kids seen as “different”—gay or transgender youth, those with special needs or who are overweight—but no kid is immune from being a victim.

While bullying isn’t a new phenomenon, cyberspace obliterates any sense of sanctuary that children once found when they were away from school and in their own homes.

One social media app that’s particularly alarming is Yik Yak, which allows users to send out posts—known as “yaks” — that can be seen by anyone within a 1.5-mile radius. What makes it worse than most other social media forums kids are using is the fact that the posters are anonymous.  A user can “yak” out anything they want without fear of being identified. Perfectly acceptable posts: “Jane is an ugly cow,” “John is a fag,” and much more that would be unprintable in this newspaper. It’s devastating to imagine the damage this type of abuse can have on a child or teen.

Laws such as the Dignity for All Students Act , which took effect in July 2012, seeks to provide students with a safe and supportive environment free from discrimination, intimidation, taunting, harassment and bullying on school property, buses or at a school function. It mandates that schools implement codes of conduct, establish procedures for reporting incidents and provide education and human relations training for students of all ages to prevent discrimination and harassment.

The passage of the dignity act and similar laws provides an opportunity for parents to talk to their children about how to protect themselves from bullying and offers them a context to discuss how to be sensitive to others who are different. It helps them learn how to stand up, speak out and fight back in the face of abusive behavior.

But these laws aren’t enough to tackle what is a social problem. No amount of legislation and no penalties for intimidating schoolyard behavior can guarantee that children will be safe at all times whether inside out outside of school. Contrary to popular belief, teens do want to spend quality time with their parents.

These laws must be complemented by support at home, pro-social bonds among neighbors and consistent community standards against bullying, bias and harassment, including in cyberspace. Otherwise, the legislation will be little more than a paper tiger, another layer of bureaucracy with limited influence in the real world in which kids reside.

Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org. 

BULLIES MOVE FROM THE PLAYGROUND TO CYBERSPACE

in Long Island Weekly, April 17, 2015

Andrew Malekoff

Members of a Wisconsin middle school basketball team are being lauded as heroes and rightfully so. When the boys noticed some bullies making fun of one of their cheerleaders—a 14-year-old girl named Desiree who has Down Syndrome—they took action, walking over to the bullies and telling the offenders to cut it out.

As one of the boys told reporters, “They were pointing and laughing at her from the stands. It’s not funny to make fun of somebody by the way they look or act.” Another said, “This is not a one-time thing. You always have to stick up for kids that are bullied. It’s the right thing to do.”

Another group in New York City, Teen Pact, has taken steps to combat cyberbullying by producing public service announcements that are being used nationwide. One PSA depicts a boy texting an affectionate message about a classmate. His friends then pass it on and when it goes viral he becomes the target of unrelenting teasing and taunting. The PSA message is: “It’s not funny anymore, don’t be an accidental bully.”

Just how many kids are being tormented, either online, in school or both? Recent studies report some startling statistics:

• 83 percent of girls and 79 percent of boys report being bullied either in school or online.
• 75 percent of school shootings have been linked to harassment and bullying against the shooter.
• About 160,000 teens skip school every day because they are bullied, and 1 in 10 teens drops out of school due to repeated bullying.
• Kids who are bullies as young adults continue the trend of abuse and violence into adulthood. By the age of 30, about 40 percent of boys identified as bullies in middle and high school had been arrested three or more times.

The most frequent targets are kids seen as “different”—gay or transgender youth, those with special needs or who are overweight—but no kid is immune from being a victim.
While bullying isn’t a new phenomenon, cyberspace obliterates any sense of sanctuary that children once found when they were away from school and in their own homes.
 
Yik Yak is a recent app that’s become a facet of cyberbullying thanks to the anonymity it lends to users
One social media app that’s particularly alarming is Yik Yak, which allows users to send out posts—known as “yaks”—that can be seen by anyone within a 1.5-mile radius. What makes it worse than most other social media forums kids are using is the fact that the posters are anonymous. A user can “yak” out anything they want without fear of being identified. Perfectly acceptable posts: “Jane is an ugly cow,” “John is a fag,” and much more that would be unprintable in this newspaper. It’s devastating to imagine the damage this type of abuse can have on a child or teen.

Laws such as the Dignity for All Students Act , which took effect in July 2012, seeks to provide students with a safe and supportive environment free from discrimination, intimidation, taunting, harassment and bullying on school property, buses or at a school function.

The passage of the Dignity Act provides an opportunity for parents to talk to their children about how to protect themselves from bullying and offers them a context to discuss how to be sensitive to others who are different. This is, of course, providing that parents are able to engage their children in an accepting and nonjudgmental manner that opens communication.

But laws like the Dignity Act aren’t enough to tackle what is a social problem. No amount of legislation and no penalties for intimidating schoolyard behavior can guarantee that children will be safe at all times whether inside or outside of school.

These laws must be complemented by support at home, pro-social bonds among neighbors and consistent community standards against bullying, bias and harassment, including in cyberspace.

Otherwise, the legislation will be little more than a paper tiger, another layer of bureaucracy with limited influence in the real world.

Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.

REMOVING THE STIGMA - We must start treating illnesses above the neck the same as illnesses below the neck?

Anton News, Long Island; Opinion – Andrew Malekoff

February 25 – March 3, 2015 

When we hear that our neighbor’s teenage son has been diagnosed with cancer, or that our colleague’s newborn has a heart defect, we shed some tears—and then we move into action. We bring meals; we offer to take their other kids to soccer games or piano lessons; we raise money so the parents can stay home from work to care for their ailing children.

But when we learn that our daughter’s best friend has been hospitalized for depression, or that a boy on our son’s basketball team has stopped going to school because of severe anxiety, we’re often at a loss as to how to respond.

Here’s a fact that may surprise you: Although more children suffer from psychiatric illness than autism, leukemia, diabetes and AIDS combined, only one of five with an emotional disturbance gets help from a mental health specialist. Moreover, 50 percent of serious mental illness occurs before the age of 14.

People with mental health problems and addictions, along with their families, often suffer in silence, while people with physical health problems evoke the sympathy and support of others. Why do we continue to treat illnesses above the neck differently than illnesses below the neck?

The sad truth is that there’s still a widespread stigma when it comes to mental health. The result? Parents who need help often wait months and even years to make that first phone call. A parent whose child is diagnosed with cancer doesn’t wait to ask for help. Waiting only happens with mental illness and addiction.

Fortunately, more than 60 years after our founding, North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center is still here to fight that stigma and provide help to children in need. Let me share a few of their stories.

We met nine-year-old Joey 14 years ago, a few weeks after his father died in the World Trade Center. We soon discovered that he was calling his dad’s cell phone number every day. As Joey explained, “I call because, what if he is still alive? I don’t want him to be all alone.”

We met seven-year-old Jeremy two years ago. He came to us holding a large flashlight in his tiny hands. He said he needed it in case the lights went out again, like they did after Hurricane Sandy, when Jeremy lost his toys, his home, his daily routine. And, as Joey before him, he lost his belief that the world is a safe place.

While we do respond to headline stories, we more often are called upon to respond to personal dramas and private disasters that are hidden in plain sight.

For example, we met six-year-old Jerome soon after he attempted to jump out a window because, as he said, “Nobody loves me.” Fifteen-year-old Celeste said the reason that she cuts her arms until they bleed is not to take her life, but to lower her blood pressure. And 14-year-old Maria told us that she lives in a house with a revolving door welcoming men who touch her.

Depression, anxiety, fear, child abuse, school refusal, bullying, isolation, drug addiction, domestic violence . . . we receive more than 100 calls a week, and increasing numbers are emergencies.

All across Long Island, mental health agencies are shuttering their doors, or they’ve been acquired by corporate entities with no roots in the community. That’s tragic, because community-based mental health organizations are as essential to the health and well-being of our children as hospitals or schools.

What can you do? First, tell your representatives that you value the mental health organization that serves your community and would like their support to ensure its future. And if you know someone whose child is suffering from a mental health issue, don’t ignore them. Make that phone call. Let them know you care.

Bio: Andrew Malekoff is the Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.