OUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS

OUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS

By Andrew Malekoff©

I have known Jay since he was a school age child. After graduating from high school he enlisted in the armed forces where he rose to the rank of Army Specialist. Jay (not his real name) served during Operation Iraqi Freedom and operated a Bradley Fighting Vehicle, a tank that is used in open desert warfare and urban combat environments. Jay and I spent some time together when he was on leave.

Jay plopped himself down on a couch next to me. He opened his laptop, tilted it towards me, and began clicking on to the photos that he took in Iraq. I looked at photos of the local landscape; snapshots of Iraqis of all ages posing with and without American soldiers; pictures of caches of weapons and improvised explosive devices (IEDs); and group shots of soldiers in their teens and early twenties striking various poses, some showing off fresh tattoos.

Sometime after his return to Iraq, Jay was discharged. He received a Purple Heart after an explosion threw him from his tank, leading to severe head trauma. Because he has yet to receive medical clearance to drive a car, his dream of becoming a police officer is fast fading.

Upon his final return home, Jay described to me the circumstances leading to his injury and some of the other situations he encountered during his time at war. Although his stories were haunting reminders of the damaging effects of war, I felt privileged to be one of the trusted few to bear witness to his experience. I knew that my friendship alone would not be enough to help him with the demons that he was trying to shake loose.

Today there is a legion of Jays that are home and on their way home from Iraq and Afghanistan. Many will require a broad array of services to help them and their families with the transition to civilian life.

An April 2008 study by Rand Corporation found that nearly 20% of service men and women returning from Iraq and Afghanistan, or about 300,000, have symptoms of depression or post-traumatic stress disorder with characteristic symptoms of anxiety, depression, irritability, feelings of isolation, intrusive memories of traumatic moments in war, and difficulty sleeping. Yet only 50% have sought treatment, and they have encountered severe delays and deficits in getting care.

Many returning service members come back to families where their spouses have kept the family going during the deployment and have managed many crises and concerns. Some soldiers may not find it easy to accept that their family has changed and roles have shifted, if ever so slightly, in their absence.

Children often will need an adjustment period to warm up to the returning parent. For example, younger children may act shy around them or may not appreciate the returning parent’s need to take care of themselves and to spend time with their partner. Teenage children may seem detached or distant as they spend many hours away from home with their friends, engaged in social activities. Without support, the returning service member may misinterpret this expected behavior and experience it as a personal affront.

As we approach the seventh anniversary of 9/11, let us not forget our military service members who were deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, and their families. I recently had a conversation with John Grillo, a Viet Nam era veteran and board member at North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center. He reminded me that, "The majority of these young men and women are the sons and daughters of our friends and neighbors. For some of us it may even be our son or daughter. For the most part they look okay and act just like us, even though they may be silently struggling with events of their most recent war time experiences. These young men and women deserve our sensitivity and our absolute support."

I don't think that I could have said it any better, and I couldn't agree more.

Originally published in the Anton chain of newspapers, Long Island, New York.