By Andrew
Malekoff
I recently attended a seminar
led by Dr. Cynthia Kaplan, Director of Trauma Training & Consultation
within the Child and Adolescent Services at McLean Hospital of Boston. Dr.
Kaplan addressed the issue of childhood sexual abuse (CSA). She incorporated
the story of a young woman, Kayla Harrison, a survivor of CSA and a two-time
Olympian Gold medalist in judo for the United States.
Many years ago CSA was only
heard about in whispers as opposed to in depth reports by investigative
journalists. Today, reports on CSA perpetrated by what seem like otherwise
model citizens – religious leaders, coaches, teachers, seem commonplace.
Dr. Kaplan made a strong
point about how we caution children in the strongest terms to “stay away from
strangers,” yet 90 percent of children and adolescents, who are sexually
abused, know their abuser.
Kayla’s book, Fighting Back: What an Olympic Champion’s
Story Can Teach Us about Recognizing and Preventing Child Sexual Abuse - and
Helping Kids Recover, co-authored with Drs. Kaplan and Aguirre,
contains excerpts from Kayla’s personal journal. She wrote about her experiences
throughout the course of her abuse, including about how she was groomed by her
coach.
“By the time I was 9 or 10 I
started traveling with the team to local tournaments. At night when the whole
team would watch movies I would snuggle up next to him. He would put a blanket
over us and then one day things went further and he guided my hand to touch
him.”
About one in 10 children will
be sexually abused before their 18th birthday. The impact of
CSA can be felt by survivors throughout their lifetime. According to Dr.
Kaplan, what complicates the healing is that CSA is not visible, not
transparent. Consequently, survivors may not get the support they need and are
often left to struggle and mourn alone.
When film director Steven
Spielberg created the Shoah Foundation, which strives to capture the testimony
of Holocaust survivors, he discovered that many of them had never told their
stories before. They often avoided doing so because they had a deep sense of
shame and distress which they often believed could or would not be understood
by others. After the filming they reported feeling a sense of relief at
finally having told someone. They finally felt heard.
Being truly heard requires
another person to bear witness. Living with the hurt in silence can
compound traumatic stress and lead to destructive and even fatal behaviors
including drinking, drugging, self-harm and suicide.
Disclosures of CSA require
professional support. When survivors lose their ability to control disclosures,
the emotional impact can be devastating. Even in the best of circumstances,
says Dr. Kaplan, following disclosure individuals often feel more distressed
and have trouble managing emotions. They may begin to lose faith in the world
and can feel re-traumatized by the disclosure experience itself.
It is significantly more
likely that a child will disclose if they know they are likely to be believed
and do not feel blamed and also if they are helped to anticipate the potential
legal repercussions of breaking their silence.
Believing that they will be
protected by the adult they disclose to goes a long way. Particularly when they
are able to maintain at least some control over the disclosure process,
preserve their anonymity to the extent possible and sustain a level of
confidentiality.
Surprising as it may seem,
children also need to feel free to express their concerns about what will
happen to the offender, as it is a complicated relationship with the
victim having mixed feelings that survivors need time to process.
There is hope. As Kayla said,
after many years and support from her new coaches, parents and mental health
professionals, “I began to see my way out of the darkness and towards the light
until I could again see the flame of the Olympic torch shining with my very own
eyes.”
Published in Blank Slate
Media’s TheIslandNow.com, Oct. 23, 2018, link: https://theislandnow.com/opinions-100/kids-first-fighting-back-from-childhood-sexual-abuse-kaylas-story/
Andrew Malekoff is the
Executive Director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which
provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through
24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
The book Fighting Back can be found
at: https://www.guilford.com/books/Fighting-Back/Harrison-Kaplan-Aguirre/9781462532971
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