“Building Men for Others”
Andrew Malekoff © 2011
Schoolyards, playing fields, gymnasiums, vacant lots, street corners, makeshift clubhouses, and stoops were but a few of the special places of my boyhood. These were the platforms upon which the richest of memories, sweet and sour, were built. In later years, it has been the countless hours of my work with groups of boys at North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center that have been most evocative of those special places and times. The associated images and scenarios provide me, at each memorable stop, with a visceral reminder of my earliest struggles to belong, to feel special, and to be valued.
I can vividly recall the year-long struggle, at age 10, in trying to scale the grammar school roof; a rite of passage. There was the repeated disappointment in falling short and the intermittent beat of humiliating taunts by the older boys. However, what sticks with me even more is the image of dangling arms from above, my friends reaching out for my outstretched hand: a majestically simple gesture that captured the mutuality upon which our time together would be permanently rooted.
William Pollack, in his book Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood, wrote about boys helping out boys and the importance of them having peers on which to lean. In Season of Life, journalist David Marx developed this theme from an unusual vantage point that is most often associated with what many think of as modern-day gladiator culture - football.
Marx wrote about a season that he spent with a private high school football team in Maryland led by two unconventional coaches, Joe Ehrmann and Biff Poggi. The coaches’ mission with the boys on their team was “to build men for others” by helping the boys develop empathic and nurturing relationships and helping them to commit themselves to causes greater than themselves. Their core lesson was that success was measured by what kind of friends, brothers, husbands, and fathers the boys would become; versus surrendering to attributes of false masculinity comprised exclusively of athletic prowess, sexual conquest, and economic success.
If we hope to raise our boys to become stable, secure, successful, happy, principled, courageous, and inspired men with meaningful relationships in their lives, we must be prepared to attend to their unique needs. Boys emulate what they observe. If what they see is emotional distance, extreme competition, guardedness, and coldness between men, they are prone to copy that behavior. Boys need to be encouraged to initiate friendships, maintain them, and experience and resolve the conflicts that arise in male friendship. Being a part of a group - a club or a team, for example - with sound adult leadership is an ideal arena for learning how to build relationships, negotiate differences and resolve conflicts.
Boys need permission to have an internal world of feelings, peer and adult support to help them to express a full range of emotions, and models of manhood that exemplify emotional attachment. Boys also need to see that physical toughness and stoicism, as stand-alone attributes, are narrow indicators of male strength. They need to see that emotional courage is as genuine an item as physical courage, and that empathy is a source of strength and a foundation for lasting relationships.
Anton newspapers, Long Island, NY, July 2011.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
The Children's Center
The Children’s Center
Andrew Malekoff © 2011
Among the casualties in the latest round of Governor Andrew Cuomo’s budget cuts is a network of child-care centers based in family courts across New York State that offer safe havens for children. The Children’s Center in Nassau County Family Court is operated by North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center and is rated among the top utilized Children’s Centers statewide, according to the New York State Unified Court System.
The Children’s Center is a place where parents who cannot afford child care can leave their children, from ages 6 weeks to 12 years, as they await court appearances. The philosophy of the children’s center is to offer a two-pronged approach for children: quality drop-in child-care services while their parents attend to court business, and a place where families can learn about and gain access to vital services.
Despite consistently high marks for the Children’s Center in Nassau County Family Court, its future is uncertain. Here are the facts on some of the benefits of the Center:
1. In 2010, the Children’s Center took care of almost 2200 children;
2. The Children’s Center was accessible to all families seeking to use the Center 99.5% of the time;
3. Ninety-nine percent of families utilizing the Children’s Center have a household income of less than $25,000 dollars annually;
4. The three most frequent referrals for families utilizing the Children’s Center were to: Child Health Plus (health insurance), Food Stamps, and WIC (a federally-funded health and nutrition program for women, infants and children);
The result of curtailing this service, according to a recent report by the New York Law Journal, is increased stress for at-risk children and their families, decreased family court efficiency and reduced access to legal services for women.
In addition to quality child care, the Children’s Center provides a literacy-rich environment for children. Studies demonstrate that children in low-income families are eight times more likely to read to and share books with their young children when provided with books and encouragement. Since 2006, the Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court has distributed more than 26,000 free books to children as part of the federal Reading is Fundamental Program.
At the Guidance Center, our mission is to restore and strengthen the emotional well-being of children and families. At the Children’s Center, we provide opportunities to enhance vulnerable children’s lives in many ways. The Children’s Center offers a safe haven in a stressful environment, worthwhile things for kids to do, peace of mind for parents awaiting their court appearances, valuable health- and nutrition-related resource information and referrals for families, plus a chance to reduce their court-involvement in the future.
If you are interested in seeing the Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court survive, write to your local state legislator and attach a copy of this column.
Originally published in the Anton newspaper chain, Long Island, NY, 29, 2011
Andrew Malekoff © 2011
Among the casualties in the latest round of Governor Andrew Cuomo’s budget cuts is a network of child-care centers based in family courts across New York State that offer safe havens for children. The Children’s Center in Nassau County Family Court is operated by North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center and is rated among the top utilized Children’s Centers statewide, according to the New York State Unified Court System.
The Children’s Center is a place where parents who cannot afford child care can leave their children, from ages 6 weeks to 12 years, as they await court appearances. The philosophy of the children’s center is to offer a two-pronged approach for children: quality drop-in child-care services while their parents attend to court business, and a place where families can learn about and gain access to vital services.
Despite consistently high marks for the Children’s Center in Nassau County Family Court, its future is uncertain. Here are the facts on some of the benefits of the Center:
1. In 2010, the Children’s Center took care of almost 2200 children;
2. The Children’s Center was accessible to all families seeking to use the Center 99.5% of the time;
3. Ninety-nine percent of families utilizing the Children’s Center have a household income of less than $25,000 dollars annually;
4. The three most frequent referrals for families utilizing the Children’s Center were to: Child Health Plus (health insurance), Food Stamps, and WIC (a federally-funded health and nutrition program for women, infants and children);
The result of curtailing this service, according to a recent report by the New York Law Journal, is increased stress for at-risk children and their families, decreased family court efficiency and reduced access to legal services for women.
In addition to quality child care, the Children’s Center provides a literacy-rich environment for children. Studies demonstrate that children in low-income families are eight times more likely to read to and share books with their young children when provided with books and encouragement. Since 2006, the Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court has distributed more than 26,000 free books to children as part of the federal Reading is Fundamental Program.
At the Guidance Center, our mission is to restore and strengthen the emotional well-being of children and families. At the Children’s Center, we provide opportunities to enhance vulnerable children’s lives in many ways. The Children’s Center offers a safe haven in a stressful environment, worthwhile things for kids to do, peace of mind for parents awaiting their court appearances, valuable health- and nutrition-related resource information and referrals for families, plus a chance to reduce their court-involvement in the future.
If you are interested in seeing the Children’s Center at Nassau County Family Court survive, write to your local state legislator and attach a copy of this column.
Originally published in the Anton newspaper chain, Long Island, NY, 29, 2011
REBIRTH
REBIRTH
Andrew Malekoff © 2011
I was privileged to be at a pre-release screening of the extraordinary feature-length documentary film called Rebirth at Hofstra University in June. In just two months, you can see it too.
Rebirth’s theatrical premiere will be held on August 31, at the IFC Center in New York City and on SHOWTIME on the 10th anniversary commemoration of September 11, 2001.
Rebirth follows the transformation of five people, over the last 10 years, whose lives were forever altered on that day. Aside from some brief footage depicting the day that the towers fell, to set the stage, the focus of the film is almost exclusively on the life trajectory of these five people.
The film-makers, led by director Jim Whitaker, introduce us to Tanya, a young woman who lost her fiancé; Nick, a teenaged boy who lost his mother; Tim, a firefighter who lost all of his friends; Brian, a construction worker who lost his brother; and Ling, a woman who was badly burned in the attack on the Twin Towers.
At the emotional core of the film is Tanya, a young woman who lost her fiancé, Sergio, a New York City firefighter. Tanya bares her grief with such authenticity that viewers are riveted to her every word and expression.
Nick was 15-years old when his mother died. A few years after the tragedy he became estranged from his father, who remarried, adding a complication to Nick’s grief. The openness with which Nick expresses his sadness and anger, offers us a rare window into an adolescent boy’s grieving.
Tim and Brian, offer the perspective of two men who lost, respectively, a best friend and a brother. Complicating Tim’s grief is his forthright feelings of survivor’s guilt, reminiscent of a soldier at war struggling with the loss of his fallen comrades. Brian offers another angle, with his touching reflection on how heartbreaking it is for him when he sees other brothers doing simple things together, like shopping at Home Depot.
Last but not least is Ling, who experienced a different kind of loss. She was badly burned over her right arm and the right side of her face and endured 40 surgeries over the intervening years. Ling offers us a multi-layered perspective of her pain, despair, resignation, hope and resilience. I found Ling to be a heroic figure who handled herself with grace, dignity and humor throughout her ordeal.
The sixth “character” in the film is Ground Zero itself. The film-makers, via multi-camera time-lapse photography, artfully tracked the evolution of the space where the Twin Towers once stood over lower Manhattan. Film-goers will be treated to this visual marvel and signs of rebirth and growth in segments that are interspersed throughout the interviews.
Rebirth is not a political movie, although some reviewers criticized the absence of a political voice in the film. I strongly disagree. The film was made to tell the story of loss, healing, hope, growth and resiliency in the context of one of the most horrifying chapters in American history. The film does that and much more. The lessons about complicated grief presented to us by Tim, Tanya, Brian, Ling and Nick transcend 9/11.
The film has an afterlife – it stays with you for weeks and you want to talk about it. Rebirth is a film best viewed with others. I would not recommend it for children under 13 years of age. If you have older adolescents in your life, watch it together and talk about it with them.
See Rebirth! You won’t regret it and you won’t forget it.
To be published in Anton Newspapers, Long Island New York, August 18, 2011
Andrew Malekoff © 2011
I was privileged to be at a pre-release screening of the extraordinary feature-length documentary film called Rebirth at Hofstra University in June. In just two months, you can see it too.
Rebirth’s theatrical premiere will be held on August 31, at the IFC Center in New York City and on SHOWTIME on the 10th anniversary commemoration of September 11, 2001.
Rebirth follows the transformation of five people, over the last 10 years, whose lives were forever altered on that day. Aside from some brief footage depicting the day that the towers fell, to set the stage, the focus of the film is almost exclusively on the life trajectory of these five people.
The film-makers, led by director Jim Whitaker, introduce us to Tanya, a young woman who lost her fiancé; Nick, a teenaged boy who lost his mother; Tim, a firefighter who lost all of his friends; Brian, a construction worker who lost his brother; and Ling, a woman who was badly burned in the attack on the Twin Towers.
At the emotional core of the film is Tanya, a young woman who lost her fiancé, Sergio, a New York City firefighter. Tanya bares her grief with such authenticity that viewers are riveted to her every word and expression.
Nick was 15-years old when his mother died. A few years after the tragedy he became estranged from his father, who remarried, adding a complication to Nick’s grief. The openness with which Nick expresses his sadness and anger, offers us a rare window into an adolescent boy’s grieving.
Tim and Brian, offer the perspective of two men who lost, respectively, a best friend and a brother. Complicating Tim’s grief is his forthright feelings of survivor’s guilt, reminiscent of a soldier at war struggling with the loss of his fallen comrades. Brian offers another angle, with his touching reflection on how heartbreaking it is for him when he sees other brothers doing simple things together, like shopping at Home Depot.
Last but not least is Ling, who experienced a different kind of loss. She was badly burned over her right arm and the right side of her face and endured 40 surgeries over the intervening years. Ling offers us a multi-layered perspective of her pain, despair, resignation, hope and resilience. I found Ling to be a heroic figure who handled herself with grace, dignity and humor throughout her ordeal.
The sixth “character” in the film is Ground Zero itself. The film-makers, via multi-camera time-lapse photography, artfully tracked the evolution of the space where the Twin Towers once stood over lower Manhattan. Film-goers will be treated to this visual marvel and signs of rebirth and growth in segments that are interspersed throughout the interviews.
Rebirth is not a political movie, although some reviewers criticized the absence of a political voice in the film. I strongly disagree. The film was made to tell the story of loss, healing, hope, growth and resiliency in the context of one of the most horrifying chapters in American history. The film does that and much more. The lessons about complicated grief presented to us by Tim, Tanya, Brian, Ling and Nick transcend 9/11.
The film has an afterlife – it stays with you for weeks and you want to talk about it. Rebirth is a film best viewed with others. I would not recommend it for children under 13 years of age. If you have older adolescents in your life, watch it together and talk about it with them.
See Rebirth! You won’t regret it and you won’t forget it.
To be published in Anton Newspapers, Long Island New York, August 18, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
No Refuge
No Refuge
Andrew Malekoff © 2011
There are more than one-million documented episodes of domestic violence in the United States each year. In Nassau County over 16,000 domestic violence calls were reported to the police one year ago. Nevertheless, only 25% of domestic violence incidents are reported to the police, according to a 2009 report by the Children’s Defense Fund. The collateral damage in these violent encounters is three to ten million child witnesses who feel alone and vulnerable.
What is domestic violence? It is an abusive pattern of behavior that is used by one intimate partner to gain control over another. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats that influence a partner. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, terrorize, threaten or hurt an intimate partner. Although there is a higher incidence of domestic violence against women, men are also victims of domestic violence.
Domestic violence is a community problem that, according to Jim Morin of the Wakefield Alliance against Violence in Massachusetts, “fills our emergency rooms and our morgues…keeps employees from being able to work…makes children fearful and interferes with their ability to learn… contributes to crime on our streets [and] destroys homes and families.”
Children of all ages who witness domestic violence may show signs of crying, irritability, aggressiveness, sleep disturbances, bedwetting, nightmares, digestive problems and developmental delays. These are children who are more likely than their peers from non-violent homes to commit suicide, abuse drugs and alcohol, be unemployed or, later in their lives, to commit violence against their own partners.
For children living in violent homes there is no refuge. There are only adults - terrifying abusers and terrified victims - locked in a perpetual cycle of violence, who are emotionally unavailable and incapable of offering protection. Although children are innocent bystanders, they often feel that they are to blame for the brutality that they witness in their homes. They then carry the shame and self-hatred that blaming oneself generates.
Children who witness violence need to learn how to keep safe when a violent incident happens and need to be clear that they did not cause their parents’ problems and the violence that ensues. They need to understand that they are victims. They need to know that being a child is important and that it is their job to play, learn and make friends, versus attempting to prevent, defuse or repair a violent relationship between adults in their lives. If you know a child who lives in violent home, you can help.
According to Lundy Bancroft, author of “Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse,” if you know children who are suffering from exposure to violence you can ask them how they are feeling, name possible feelings for them if they cannot name them, reinforce what they tell you about their exposure to violence (“I know this is hard to talk about. You are so brave and I am so proud of you.”), tell them that it is not their fault and tell them that they are safe when they are with you.
When it becomes necessary to take action, do not confront the alleged
abuser under any circumstances. You are unlikely to stop him. If you initiate a confrontation it will likely lead to retribution against the child for betraying the family’s conspiracy of silence. Consult with local resources that can provide you with expert advice and guidance.
If you know a child who is living in such a home call the Nassau County Coalition Against Domestic Violence 24/7 Hotline at 516-542-0404 and ask for help.
This column was published in the Anton News, Long Island, NY, in May 2011.
Andrew Malekoff © 2011
There are more than one-million documented episodes of domestic violence in the United States each year. In Nassau County over 16,000 domestic violence calls were reported to the police one year ago. Nevertheless, only 25% of domestic violence incidents are reported to the police, according to a 2009 report by the Children’s Defense Fund. The collateral damage in these violent encounters is three to ten million child witnesses who feel alone and vulnerable.
What is domestic violence? It is an abusive pattern of behavior that is used by one intimate partner to gain control over another. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats that influence a partner. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, terrorize, threaten or hurt an intimate partner. Although there is a higher incidence of domestic violence against women, men are also victims of domestic violence.
Domestic violence is a community problem that, according to Jim Morin of the Wakefield Alliance against Violence in Massachusetts, “fills our emergency rooms and our morgues…keeps employees from being able to work…makes children fearful and interferes with their ability to learn… contributes to crime on our streets [and] destroys homes and families.”
Children of all ages who witness domestic violence may show signs of crying, irritability, aggressiveness, sleep disturbances, bedwetting, nightmares, digestive problems and developmental delays. These are children who are more likely than their peers from non-violent homes to commit suicide, abuse drugs and alcohol, be unemployed or, later in their lives, to commit violence against their own partners.
For children living in violent homes there is no refuge. There are only adults - terrifying abusers and terrified victims - locked in a perpetual cycle of violence, who are emotionally unavailable and incapable of offering protection. Although children are innocent bystanders, they often feel that they are to blame for the brutality that they witness in their homes. They then carry the shame and self-hatred that blaming oneself generates.
Children who witness violence need to learn how to keep safe when a violent incident happens and need to be clear that they did not cause their parents’ problems and the violence that ensues. They need to understand that they are victims. They need to know that being a child is important and that it is their job to play, learn and make friends, versus attempting to prevent, defuse or repair a violent relationship between adults in their lives. If you know a child who lives in violent home, you can help.
According to Lundy Bancroft, author of “Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse,” if you know children who are suffering from exposure to violence you can ask them how they are feeling, name possible feelings for them if they cannot name them, reinforce what they tell you about their exposure to violence (“I know this is hard to talk about. You are so brave and I am so proud of you.”), tell them that it is not their fault and tell them that they are safe when they are with you.
When it becomes necessary to take action, do not confront the alleged
abuser under any circumstances. You are unlikely to stop him. If you initiate a confrontation it will likely lead to retribution against the child for betraying the family’s conspiracy of silence. Consult with local resources that can provide you with expert advice and guidance.
If you know a child who is living in such a home call the Nassau County Coalition Against Domestic Violence 24/7 Hotline at 516-542-0404 and ask for help.
This column was published in the Anton News, Long Island, NY, in May 2011.
When a Child Refuses to Go to School
When a Child Refuses to Go to School
Andrew Malekoff © 2011
Twenty-eight percent of children across the United States refuse to go to school at some time during their school years. In a recent survey of new applications at North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center, we found increasing numbers of children who refused to go to school. This was further validated at a meeting that the Guidance Center hosted for counselors, social workers and psychologists from public and private schools throughout Nassau County.
School-refusal behavior is identified, according to the NYU Child Study Center, in boys and girls from 5-17 who: (1) are entirely absent from school, and/or; (2) attend school initially, but leave during the course of the school day, and/or; (3) go to school following crying, clinging, tantrums or other intense behavior problems, and/or (4) exhibit unusual distress during school days and then plead for future absenteeism.
Naturally, the meeting with local school personnel led to speculation on what causes children to refuse to go to school. To no one’s surprise, bullying topped the list. Nevertheless, although bullying is one cause, other issues such as a transition from one school to another; an illness or death in the family; or school-performance problems, also trigger school refusal.
A few things to consider when school-refusal is a problem in your home:
1. Do your best to get your child to school every day. The more a child is allowed to stay home, the harder it will be to get him or her out of the house;
2. You may think that your child is not being honest about feeling poorly in the morning. Try to remember that anxiety can lead to physical symptoms like aches and pains or nausea;
3. Talk to your child and school personnel to see if you can discover what is leading to his or her avoidance of school. It could be bullying or academic problems or social isolation and trouble making friends;
4. Consider consulting with a school guidance, social work or community-based mental health counselor, especially if every morning is a battle; and
5. If there are troubles at home, like a divorce, death in the family, new sibling, or a recent relocation, don’t ignore them. Family therapy can help to sort things out and increase your child’s ability to cope with difficult changes in his or her life.
School-refusal is an issue that we deal with frequently at North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center. Adults – parents, teachers, counselors, coaches – must work together in trying to understand the underlying causes and triggers for a child’s school-avoidance behavior.
By working together – school, community and family - we can be successful in helping fearful or anxious young people to overcome of school-avoidance problems and help them to and return to school and learn, socialize and move forward in their lives.
This column was printed in the Long Island Anton chain of newspapers in April 2011.
Andrew Malekoff © 2011
Twenty-eight percent of children across the United States refuse to go to school at some time during their school years. In a recent survey of new applications at North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center, we found increasing numbers of children who refused to go to school. This was further validated at a meeting that the Guidance Center hosted for counselors, social workers and psychologists from public and private schools throughout Nassau County.
School-refusal behavior is identified, according to the NYU Child Study Center, in boys and girls from 5-17 who: (1) are entirely absent from school, and/or; (2) attend school initially, but leave during the course of the school day, and/or; (3) go to school following crying, clinging, tantrums or other intense behavior problems, and/or (4) exhibit unusual distress during school days and then plead for future absenteeism.
Naturally, the meeting with local school personnel led to speculation on what causes children to refuse to go to school. To no one’s surprise, bullying topped the list. Nevertheless, although bullying is one cause, other issues such as a transition from one school to another; an illness or death in the family; or school-performance problems, also trigger school refusal.
A few things to consider when school-refusal is a problem in your home:
1. Do your best to get your child to school every day. The more a child is allowed to stay home, the harder it will be to get him or her out of the house;
2. You may think that your child is not being honest about feeling poorly in the morning. Try to remember that anxiety can lead to physical symptoms like aches and pains or nausea;
3. Talk to your child and school personnel to see if you can discover what is leading to his or her avoidance of school. It could be bullying or academic problems or social isolation and trouble making friends;
4. Consider consulting with a school guidance, social work or community-based mental health counselor, especially if every morning is a battle; and
5. If there are troubles at home, like a divorce, death in the family, new sibling, or a recent relocation, don’t ignore them. Family therapy can help to sort things out and increase your child’s ability to cope with difficult changes in his or her life.
School-refusal is an issue that we deal with frequently at North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center. Adults – parents, teachers, counselors, coaches – must work together in trying to understand the underlying causes and triggers for a child’s school-avoidance behavior.
By working together – school, community and family - we can be successful in helping fearful or anxious young people to overcome of school-avoidance problems and help them to and return to school and learn, socialize and move forward in their lives.
This column was printed in the Long Island Anton chain of newspapers in April 2011.
Monday, March 7, 2011
PLAYERS TOO QUIET ABOUT HEAD INJURY
Players too quiet about head injury
Andrew Malekoff
NEWSDAY, appearing on March 3, 2011, p. A35
Concussions in sports have reached alarming proportions that is, indeed, more than an NFL problem ["Football's tragic call to tackle head injury," Editorial, Feb. 25]. This is silent epidemic fueled by a gladiator culture.
What can adults who care about kids do to help to break the silence about this public health issue? We must insist that all children, teenagers and their parents be educated early on about the risks, consequences, signs and symptoms of head injury. This should include values education that puts the gladiator play-at-any-cost culture up for inspection, particularly when it comes to contact sports.
Children need alternative models for demonstrating courage and heart - a counterforce to the dangerous and false belief that putting one's well-being in jeopardy when playing a game is noble. Competitive sports involve sacrifice, perseverance, loyalty, honor and courage - all values that will serve one well throughout life. Maintaining a code of silence about a serious head, or other, injury that can lead to lifelong consequences must be deemed unacceptable.
We must demand that those in power in youth, interscholastic and intercollegiate sports protect our children; and we must help our children, from an early age, to think critically and develop the good sense and courage, without shame, to break the silence.
Editor's note: The writer is the executive director of the North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center in Roslyn Heights.
Andrew Malekoff
NEWSDAY, appearing on March 3, 2011, p. A35
Concussions in sports have reached alarming proportions that is, indeed, more than an NFL problem ["Football's tragic call to tackle head injury," Editorial, Feb. 25]. This is silent epidemic fueled by a gladiator culture.
What can adults who care about kids do to help to break the silence about this public health issue? We must insist that all children, teenagers and their parents be educated early on about the risks, consequences, signs and symptoms of head injury. This should include values education that puts the gladiator play-at-any-cost culture up for inspection, particularly when it comes to contact sports.
Children need alternative models for demonstrating courage and heart - a counterforce to the dangerous and false belief that putting one's well-being in jeopardy when playing a game is noble. Competitive sports involve sacrifice, perseverance, loyalty, honor and courage - all values that will serve one well throughout life. Maintaining a code of silence about a serious head, or other, injury that can lead to lifelong consequences must be deemed unacceptable.
We must demand that those in power in youth, interscholastic and intercollegiate sports protect our children; and we must help our children, from an early age, to think critically and develop the good sense and courage, without shame, to break the silence.
Editor's note: The writer is the executive director of the North Shore Child and Family Guidance Center in Roslyn Heights.
THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY FROM HALLMARK
The One that Got Away from Hallmark
By Andrew Malekoff© 2011
I subscribe to a few magazines for leisurely reading. Occasionally, mail order catalogues addressed to me arrive in the mail. Usually, I throw them out. There are a few catalogs, however that I do thumb through, like the one that I get from L.L. Bean.
None of the mail order catalogs I get these days are as appealing as the Johnson Smith Company catalog that I got when I was a boy. It was a small booklet with colorful illustrations and descriptions of jokes, pranks, collectibles and unusual items. Back in the day, I spent hours pouring through my Johnson Smith catalog imagining what pranks I could play on friends and family.
As each April Fools’ Day approaches, I am reminded of my Johnson Smith days. I was wondering if they still printed a catalog. So I searched the Internet and I found an online catalog with a heading that read: "Things You Never Knew Existed...and other items you can't POSSIBLY live without." I clicked on the link for gags and in a flash I was ten again.
As I scrolled and clicked my way through the online catalog I found a rubber mouse, double-barrel shotgun lighter, flushing toilet bank, gnarly teeth, a Zombie Handbook and more than a few risqué unmentionables. When I clicked on the picture that accompanied each item, I was taken to cleverly-worded descriptions, no doubt aimed at the discernable pre-teen consumer.
For example, there was a Smoking Donkey Cigarette Dispenser. The description said: “Fill the plastic pack mule with 24 regular size cigarettes (not kings). Press his ears back, then down, and he dispenses the cigarettes one at a time from under his tail!” And, there was a disclaimer that read, “Although we do not encourage the use of tobacco products, the Smoking Donkey is a remnant of a bygone era and intended to be a collectible.” What, to display alongside one’s Lladro collection?
Another featured product was a Bible Flask that was advertised as “More Than Meets the Eye!” The ad went on to say: “The good book giveth like never before. A four-ounce stainless steel flask is hidden inside what looks like a classic King James Bible.” This item also included a disclaimer: “WARNING: Not for children under three years.” Does that mean that the Bible Flask is suitable for the kindergarten crowd?
When I was 10-years-old I could read that catalog endlessly. I think it contributed to my developing a pretty good sense of humor.
I think April Fools’ Day is the only holiday that explicitly celebrates having a sense of humor and yet schools and businesses don’t close down. I’m glad that Hallmark didn’t hijack April Fools’ Day and pressure us into another concocted card, gift and expensive restaurant holiday. For April 1st, all you need is a sense of fun and an active imagination.
There are web pages devoted to kid-friendly suggestions for having fun with your family on April 1st. One is written by Kate Goodin who offers lots of ideas. For example, for the kid who checks his e-mail first thing every morning, she suggests parents “put part of a post-it note over the tracking ball on a computer mouse -- it won't work! (Make sure to write ‘April Fools!’ on the note).”
Having an official day that is devoted, each year, to celebrating humor, no matter how juvenile, is more important than we know in these serious and troubling times. So, here’s to April Fools’ Day; the one day, as Mark Twain famously said, that “we are reminded of what we are on the other three-hundred-and-sixty-four.”
To be published in the Anton chain of 18 Long Island, NY newspapers in March 2011.
By Andrew Malekoff© 2011
I subscribe to a few magazines for leisurely reading. Occasionally, mail order catalogues addressed to me arrive in the mail. Usually, I throw them out. There are a few catalogs, however that I do thumb through, like the one that I get from L.L. Bean.
None of the mail order catalogs I get these days are as appealing as the Johnson Smith Company catalog that I got when I was a boy. It was a small booklet with colorful illustrations and descriptions of jokes, pranks, collectibles and unusual items. Back in the day, I spent hours pouring through my Johnson Smith catalog imagining what pranks I could play on friends and family.
As each April Fools’ Day approaches, I am reminded of my Johnson Smith days. I was wondering if they still printed a catalog. So I searched the Internet and I found an online catalog with a heading that read: "Things You Never Knew Existed...and other items you can't POSSIBLY live without." I clicked on the link for gags and in a flash I was ten again.
As I scrolled and clicked my way through the online catalog I found a rubber mouse, double-barrel shotgun lighter, flushing toilet bank, gnarly teeth, a Zombie Handbook and more than a few risqué unmentionables. When I clicked on the picture that accompanied each item, I was taken to cleverly-worded descriptions, no doubt aimed at the discernable pre-teen consumer.
For example, there was a Smoking Donkey Cigarette Dispenser. The description said: “Fill the plastic pack mule with 24 regular size cigarettes (not kings). Press his ears back, then down, and he dispenses the cigarettes one at a time from under his tail!” And, there was a disclaimer that read, “Although we do not encourage the use of tobacco products, the Smoking Donkey is a remnant of a bygone era and intended to be a collectible.” What, to display alongside one’s Lladro collection?
Another featured product was a Bible Flask that was advertised as “More Than Meets the Eye!” The ad went on to say: “The good book giveth like never before. A four-ounce stainless steel flask is hidden inside what looks like a classic King James Bible.” This item also included a disclaimer: “WARNING: Not for children under three years.” Does that mean that the Bible Flask is suitable for the kindergarten crowd?
When I was 10-years-old I could read that catalog endlessly. I think it contributed to my developing a pretty good sense of humor.
I think April Fools’ Day is the only holiday that explicitly celebrates having a sense of humor and yet schools and businesses don’t close down. I’m glad that Hallmark didn’t hijack April Fools’ Day and pressure us into another concocted card, gift and expensive restaurant holiday. For April 1st, all you need is a sense of fun and an active imagination.
There are web pages devoted to kid-friendly suggestions for having fun with your family on April 1st. One is written by Kate Goodin who offers lots of ideas. For example, for the kid who checks his e-mail first thing every morning, she suggests parents “put part of a post-it note over the tracking ball on a computer mouse -- it won't work! (Make sure to write ‘April Fools!’ on the note).”
Having an official day that is devoted, each year, to celebrating humor, no matter how juvenile, is more important than we know in these serious and troubling times. So, here’s to April Fools’ Day; the one day, as Mark Twain famously said, that “we are reminded of what we are on the other three-hundred-and-sixty-four.”
To be published in the Anton chain of 18 Long Island, NY newspapers in March 2011.
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